Hopes and Heroes
by Verbl Kint 187
Summary: Post Third Impact. Bittersweet in nature, with a little bit of angst and romance.


Hopes and Heroes

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Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, it is in fact owned by Gainax. Neither is there any intention to copy the works of any other writers. Any similarities in plot, situations, character dialogue, etc. found between this fic and any other fic is unintentional and purely coincidental.

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Hope n. : 1. Expectation and desire combined. 2. a. a person, thing or circumstance that gives cause for hope. b. Ground of hope; promise. 3. What is hoped for.

Hero n. : 1. a person admired for nobility, courage, and outstanding achievements.

-Definitions are excerpts from the 1998 DK Illustrated Oxford Dictionary

The moon's light played upon the desolation through clouds of blood, casting an eerie reddish tinge upon two figures, a girl and a boy. The latter was hunched over in a crouching position, trembling noticeably from an unknown chill. Every so often, he would let out a soft whimper before returning to his silent sobs. The former sat with her back propped up against a large rock, her eye was wide with surprise, and her bandaged right arm sat limply in her lap while her left hand rubbed absently at her neck.

Time passed, and the moon surrendered its pedestal in the sky and retired itself toward the northern horizon, and as its successor began to make its entrance, the boy stopped crying, and the girl came to her senses. She looked at Shinji, her face hardened and her lips creased. 

"Good work idiot." She said and stood up. After one last contemptuous look, she turned on her heel and made her way toward the other side of the rock she had been resting against. Shinji watched her go, and he was left alone to redefine the meanings of emptiness and failure. 

_'Why was it my choice to make? Why was I chosen, Rei?'_ At this point, he was too exhausted to cry. It seemed to him that there was at least one other person left besides him, and that one person seemed to hate him at this moment, and it wasn't like he blamed her either. He hated himself as well. Soon though, his mind found that all the thoughts running through it was a bit much at the time, and so Shinji's eyelids slowly fell.

However, Asuka was having a much harder time trying to fall asleep. She sat behind the rock, shivering slightly in the shade it provided from the rising star. Her thoughts were jumbled and incoherent for the most part, but they followed along the lines of: _'Pathetic little boy, what the hell did he do? I'm kind of cold…little shit, I'd kill him but…I'm kind of hungry…trying to strangle me, I'll show him how to wring a neck…I'm kind of cold…What am I going to do now?'_ Her thoughts repeated themselves in this pattern until the chill finally got to her. She stood up and slowly made her way back around the rock.

She peeked around the edge of the rock first to make sure that Shinji didn't see her. She saw him sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees, his back to her. She first tried to discern if he was awake or not, but before long she decided that the only way to know for sure was to get closer. She walked cautiously out and as she neared him, she found that he was indeed asleep. The sun was just over the horizon, and the rays were beginning to warm her, so she sat down in her previous position with her back to the rock, front facing Shinji.

"Pathetic." She said softly, however her voice contained no hate or malice. She squinted as the rays shone directly into her face, and now she was feeling the exhaustion. Her mind now unable to handle bitter thoughts of loathing and hatred, be it for herself or someone else, her thoughts drifted to other subjects. _'How will we survive? There is nothing here. Damn, I'll probably have to think of something. The idiot is probably too screwed up to think clearly. I don't want to die yet, I don't even know if there is anyplace left in the world with people. If there is, I'll find them, and even if there isn't, well shit, I'm not giving up that easy.'_ Sleep slowly overtook her. _'That idiot, he's so weak it's sickening.'_ She slid into a lying down position.

"Mama." She said softly, and then she was asleep.

*******

Asuka opened her eye and let out a yelp of surprise, startling an already awake Shinji. She had somehow ended up lying down on her back, and had opened her eye with the sun directly above her bombarding it with unshielded rays. She sat up and slowly opened her eye. Her thoughts were a little groggy, so she shook her head from side to side to clear them. 

"Are you okay?" A meek voice asked.

"Shut up." She retorted gruffly as she held the sides of her head. Apparently, it wasn't quite up to being jostled around. Shinji cringed slightly at her response before turning away from her to stare out at the ocean of LCL before him. A few of the mass production Evas were sticking out of the ocean, a cruel and mocking image of the crucifixion. Not that he cared, he didn't really believe in God anyway. It was just a little creepy.

Asuka slowly stood up, not wanting to incur the wrath of another migraine. She looked pensively at Shinji, with his back to her. She wondered how long he had been sitting there like that, just staring out across the great landscape of nothingness. Well, it seemed to her that near-apocalyptic disasters were just not enough to change some people, herself included. Her resolve to live, however, was at its strongest right now, and she thought it best to be civil to Shinji at this point, despite her personal feelings on the cause of this current situation.

"Let's go Shinji." She said curtly. Shinji slowly turned back to look at her with a trace of confusion.

"Huh?"

"I said, let's go Shinji." Asuka was unable to keep all hostility out of her voice, and Shinji winced.

"Go…where?" He asked, cringing slightly as he finished his question.

"To find some food and shelter you idiot! Do you just intend to sit out here and die?" She couldn't help it. The headache, the stress and the fact that she was grumpy contributed to this outburst. Shinji once again just cringed, and to her surprise, he just turned away to look across the expanse of the ocean. She stood, stunned for a moment before snapping herself back to reality.

"Well? Get up!" She said a bit calmer. Shinji didn't budge. A warm breeze was blowing, causing the waves of LCL to ripple slightly. There came a soft sound of the ocean, and as Asuka stood, waiting for Shinji to move, she could feel her anger rising. She tried counting to ten, forward and backwards, but to no avail.

"Get you're sorry ass up and let's get moving!" She yelled at him as she grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and yanked him upwards, causing the shirt to tear a bit. Shinji seemed surprised, but the surprise faded.

"You can go. I'm staying." He said softly, avoiding her eyes. He put up no resistance, and even seemed to hang limply in Asuka's grasp. She glared at him for a little while before moving in close, and whispering menacingly in his ear.

"Listen up and listen good third child, I'm not giving you a choice. If you don't come along willingly, I will drag you along by your short and curlies." Apathetic as Shinji was, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Without looking her in the eyes, Shinji nodded absently. "Good." She said in a slightly more pleasant, but even more artificial tone.

With that Asuka turns and surveys the landscape. Depressingly, it all looks the same, and in a very short time, she becomes frustrated. She lets out a growl and sits down. Shinji sighs, and follows suit.

_'Damn. I didn't even think about this. Where the hell are we? How the hell are we supposed to find food and water? Shit. It's just miles and miles of nothingness in every direction. Fuck! Well, let's see. This landscape is reminiscent of something...but what?'_ Asuka closed her eye and began to think, as hard as it was. She winced in pain as her brain protested the abuse, but she continued.

Shinji dryly watched the only other known person in existence, noting how deep in thought she looked. He began to slowly get up, when she turned to him and said, "Don't you move Shinji."

_'Well, it was worth a try wasn't it? Why does she want to leave? Where are we going to go? There's nothing here. How ironic, through some decision of mine, we are the last two people on the face of the earth, and at the same time, we end up in a world so desolate, that there is no chance for life. Perfect. Way to go Shinji, you really fucked up this time. You really are the lowest form of human, you are pathetic.' _During his time of moping before Asuka had awoken, Shinji had found a piece of wood, upon which Misato's cross was nailed. He didn't dare touch it. She had died to save him, and look what he did. He didn't deserve to be anywhere near it.

Then Asuka's eye shot open. "I know where we are." She said in awe, and then a smile of victory crossed her face and she stood up with an air of authority. "All right Shinji. Let's go." She turned and began to walk away from the ocean of LCL. Shinji took his time getting up, but slowly, he followed.

If one were to see them, they would've noticed how different the two were in gait. The red haired girl had a fire to her, a snap in her walk, a posture of authority and a cocksure air. The dark haired boy was an exact opposite. He had no life in him, he didn't walk, he trudged, his head was hung low with either shame or defeat.

_'Why am I even doing this? There's no point…well, she seems sure of herself. At least it's good to see that the old Asuka is back in some form.' _With that thought in mind, he couldn't help but allow a small smile, however, no one would have noticed. _'I don't deserve to be around her. Not after what I've done.'_ As soon as the smile had appeared, it disappeared. Once again, no one would have noticed. _'I'm disgusting. Why am I even here? There was probably someone else more deserving than me to come back. Hell, there was probably someone more deserving than me to make the decision. Wait a second, oh yeah, now I know why I am here…this is a living hell for me. Then, if there is an afterlife, I'll go to hell then too. Well, if that were the case, at least I'd be amongst relations…right Father?'_ A dry smile made its way across his lips. _'Next question: Then why is she here?'_

The day passed slowly for Shinji, however, Asuka looked upon this as a challenge. _'Well shit, if I can't conquer angels in my eva, I will conquer this place! You think you can break this girl? Not me, not me…you're going to have to take Asuka Langley Sohryuu from this world the same way I came into it, kicking and screaming.'_ She finished that last thought with a determined smile, and a light in her eye. During the trek she noticed that not only would she have to treat her head with care, she would have to treat her right arm with care as well. _'Shinji…'_ Her thoughts took a slightly different turn, _'Why didn't you save me?'_ She chanced a glance back at him, and saw that he was far behind, dragging his feet and slouching. She stopped and waited patiently for him to catch up. When he got to her, he kept on going, like he didn't see her, which she knew was very much the case. Then a mischievous smile made its way up onto her face.

"Wake up!" She screamed at the top of her lungs just behind him. Bad idea, her head exploded in a bright flash of pain, but Shinji nearly jumped out of his skin. When she got her senses back, Asuka found Shinji breathing hoarsely on the ground, pale with shock. For the first time since she woke up on this wasteland, Shinji made eye contact with her.

"What do you think you were doing? Trying to give me a heart attack?" He yelled as he stood up, clutching at his chest. Anger and panic was in his voice, and for a second, he was back in the apartment, and Asuka had the same playful smile as before. But it was only a second, before he was back in reality. 

"Got you going didn't I third child? Let this be a lesson to you: Keep Up!" She said and walked briskly past him. Shinji recovered slightly, before hurrying to catch up again. As they continued their trek, the sun began its descent, surrendering its position once more to its kin. Shinji now was casting glances at Asuka at regular intervals, a questioning look upon his face. Asuka shifted her direction to a large and quite steep hill that the sun was setting behind. The hill, like the rest of the land, was rust colored and barren. They paused only for a moment at the base of the hill, all this time they had said nothing to each other. Asuka cast a look back at Shinji, as if confirming that he knew that they were going up the hill, and then began their ascent.

Asuka started with a great determined breath and began to climb, she was hunched over in stature and her fingers hovered slightly over the dirt as she used her arms for balance, every so often digging her fingers into the dry soil to give an extra push. The sun cast a dark shadow over them that was chilling, and it became even more surreal as the red ribbon once again appeared on the horizon with the moon, casting a eerie red glow on them. Shinji was having an even more difficult time trying to climb the hill. He was on hands and knees at some points, struggling to keep from sliding back down with the loose dirt on the surface. The dust that was being kicked in his face wasn't helping either, his mouth felt like it was caked with dust, and a thick, concentrated iron taste lingered on his tongue.

Then Shinji couldn't help it any more, he collapsed on the hillside, and began a very slow slide back down the hill. Asuka looked back at the sound, and saw her companion's state. She opened her mouth to say something, but her dry lips cracked and she bit down on them reflexively tasting her blood.

"Giving up already third child?" She managed to call down hoarsely. Shinji looked up slowly at this. "A girl going to beat you to the top? I thought so, you were always weaker anyway. The Invincible Shinji is nothing without his big purple eva to help get over obstacles, aren't I right?" Asuka got the desired effect when Shinji got back up and once again began to climb up, but with a new fervor. She smiled slightly and turned to continue her climb when she found that she wasn't too far from the top. Once again, a grin made its way upon her face, and she turned to face Shinji, who now closed the distance between her and him by half. "Hey Third Child. I'll race ya." She said and turned and began a quick semi-dash up the side of the hill.

Shinji began to protest that it wasn't fair, but stopped when he realized Asuka's mistake. She was putting more effort into the climb, but she was moving slower now that she didn't have the same balance and push that she previously had. Something in his eye kindled and sparked, and he began to move as quickly as possible without losing his balance. His mind now off his dry and dusty throat, he put in an extra burst of energy and almost closed the gap completely between himself and Asuka. It continued this way until they were only a few feet from the top, and Asuka turned to see how far back Shinji was. Her face registered surprise, and she let out a squeak as she lost her balance and began to fall back. Shinji gave out his last bit of energy and tackled her coming up, both of them onto the top of the hill.

"Ow! Fucker!" Asuka screamed and grabbed her bad arm. When Shinji caught a little breath in order to look up, he saw Asuka cradling her arm, her bandage now had blood dripping from the elbow. 

"Asuka…are you…" Shinji never got to finish as Asuka lashed out and slapped him across the face.

"Asshole! What the hell did you think you were doing?" She screamed. When the stars dancing across Shinji's vision ceased, he looked up to see that there was a tear coursing down her cheek.

"But…but…you…could have fallen…and…" Asuka cast a death glare with her one eye at him, which seemed to have a more menacing look than if she had both eyes. "I'm sorry…" He said softly and lowered his head.

"Wimp." She said softly. They stayed that way for a little while, before Asuka once again spoke. "I knew it. Shinji look." Shinji looked up from where he was sitting, and saw the sun setting behind the remains of an empire. The shadows were a dark purple, and the glow was a deep dark orange. Then Shinji knew where he was. This was the hill that Misato too him to when he first arrived. He was unable to tear his gaze from the setting sun, and he kept waiting for the buildings to start their rise. He watched the sun set, and when the night was only lit by the light red tinge, he saw a building collapse in on itself.

*******

Asuka cupped another handful of water from a large puddle at the top of the hill. She had breathed a heavy sigh of relief at the sight of fresh water. After she drank her fill, Shinji had his turn, first washing out the iron tasting crust from his mouth. Shinji flopped onto the ground when he was done and stared up at the sky, once again noting the thick red streak that orbited the planet with the moon. Asuka found a rock to prop herself up against, and she felt her body burn with every movement, and felt her bad arm scream in pain. All of a sudden, a light wind picked up, and the temperature dropped a few degrees. Asuka sat shivering in only her plug suit, while Shinji lay cool, but not cold. 

Asuka cast a bitter look at Shinji before balling up even more. She glanced across the landscape towards the city noting the distance that they would have to travel the next day. It was maybe another half a day's walk until they reached the edge of the city, that being the first few broken down buildings. Her stomach grumbled and jabbed at her, demanding food.

_'What's wrong with him? Why won't he speak to me? Why am I back, and not anyone else? What happened in NERV while I was fighting? Why didn't you save me Shinji? I thought…'_ Like the night before, exhaustion overtook her, and despite the chill, she fell asleep.

Shinji stared silently up at the sky, trying to see the stars through the red cloud, but to no avail. Then a glimmer caught his eye, and he looked up to see a gap in the sky's blindfold. There, were two stars, bright, but flickering.

_'I am here, and there is nothing more I can do about that. Isn't this what I wanted though? Then why am I not happy? Asuka…if only you knew what I had done…what had happened, you probably wouldn't even want to be around me right now. It's true, everything you ever said about me. I am hopeless, a coward, a wimp…but then why did I try and beat you up the hill? Would it have changed anything at all if you made it to the top first? But still…you want to live…and for that…it's the least I can do for you.'_ Shinji didn't even notice when his eyes closed.

*******

Shinji and Asuka had reached the bottom of the hill without much hassle, and Asuka was slightly surprised that they were able to get down in the timely manner that they did. At the bottom of the hill, there were more puddles which they refreshed themselves at, and they continued. 

The sun was halfway setting when they reached the broken down convenience store at the edge of the city. It wasn't in complete ruins, but the entire front of it had caved in on itself, so they decided to go in through the back way.

"Yes!" Asuka cried out as they entered. She immediately grabbed some bags of chips that were dusty, dirty, but unopened from the ground. After she ripped open a few and downed their contents, she went outside to get some water from the puddles that seemed to pepper the ground. Before she could drink though, she felt a hand on her shoulder. "What do you want Third Child?" She asked with strained patience. When she looked up, she saw Shinji standing over her with a bottle of water that he seemed to have dug up from the rubble. She could see a small, smug smile on his face, and she just stared at him for a little while.

"Well…if you don't want it…" Shinji trailed off and began to retract the proffered drink, but before his hand got very far, Asuka snatched it from him, opened it up, and drank deeply. When she finally decided to breathe again, she found a rare smile of victory on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" She said bitingly, but was unable to stop from smiling. The more she tried to resist it, the wider her smile got until she was chuckling to herself. "All right, I'll keep you." She said jokingly and got up. 

"I'm going to go and look for more." Shinji went back into the store in order to grab some more junk food and find some other warm soft drink that they could live off of. 

"Shinji, I need to pee! I'm going around to the front, and I better not catch you peeking!" She called after him.

Shinji indulged for a little while on some sweets that he had found and another bottle of water while sitting inside the store. Then Asuka appeared.

"Find anymore water, Third Child?"

"A couple bottles and a couple packets of candy, and then whatever chips you have are all we have for now." Asuka nodded thoughtfully. When Shinji crumpled up his candy wrapper, Asuka spoke again. "Let's go."

"What? But…but…the sun…" Shinji motioned towards the long shadows that the building rubble cast on the terrain.

"I know. Which is why the sooner we get going, the better off we'll be." She said and left the store. Shinji haphazardly grabbed a few torn plastic bags and fumbled with the food items and the bottles of water as he tried to place them in the bags. He finally found a bag that had holes small enough so that nothing would fall out, but by that time, Asuka had just about lost her patience. "Are you done yet?" She asked menacingly.

"Couldn't we just…you know…stay…"

"No! I'll be goddamned if I'm spending another night out here with nothing but my fucking plug suit on! Now let's go!" She cut him off viciously as she turned and began a fast, determined walk toward the center of the city. Shinji trailed behind, tripping over pieces of debris, every so often calling out in protest. It wasn't long until they were traveling in the almost dark. Shinji finally found himself at a standstill, catching his breath and looking up at a large building…that was very familiar.

"At least it still looks like that it's intact." Shinji offered after a little while of silence. Asuka seemed to snap out of a daydream like state, and snarled something incoherent before she started to search for a way into the building. The only plausible way was through the fire escape, and so they began to climb the metal stairs. The inside of the building was still in pretty good condition, it was the outside that seemed to suffer. Luckily for them, as the situation stood, the building was blocked off between a couple other buildings that seemed to take the hit for it. When they finally made it to the apartment, they stood staring at the door.

Asuka, all of a sudden, reared back and kicked the door open off its hinges. Well, the apartment was trashed. It looked as though a hurricane had torn through the house; the furniture was in pieces, there was dust, wood and glass all over the floor, and they found the doors to their rooms had been torn off their hinges. Asuka began to make her way carefully over the pieces of glass to her room so see its condition while Shinji made his way into the kitchen to forage among the cupboards and the broken down refrigerator. 

Asuka found her room in the same mess as the rest of the house…for starters the door had been ripped clean off from what she guessed was a blast of some kind. In addition, her bed was a mess, the pillows and comforters destroyed, her personal belongings and furniture destroyed or damaged, and her clothes were all over the floor. She shuffled through the clothes until she found some that were relatively clean and intact.

"Shinji! I'm changing! Any peeking and I'll personally see to it, with my only eye left, that your eyes will never be able to behold my figure again!" She called out, more in humor than in malice or forewarning. 

"Yes Asuka." Shinji said tiredly as he fished through the refrigerator's contents for food that had not rotted. Then a thought crossed his mind, and he quickly ripped open Pen Pen's freezer to find nothing. He stood up with a curious and worried expression on his face. "Pen Pen!" He called from the kitchen. He repeated the call several times before Asuka yelled for him to shut up and forget the damn penguin. For a brief second, Shinji felt a surge of anger and he cast a glare in the direction of Asuka's voice. Eventually he turned back to fishing for some non-perishables.

Asuka eventually came out wearing a pair of jeans and a loose shirt, cradling her hurt arm. The bandages on her arm were gone, and a long white scar showed, some parts looked a little raw, and it seemed that any excessive force used on her arm might break the scar.

"So, what did you find?" She asked with a hint of exasperation.

"Just these." Shinji responded and motioned at the items that he placed on the counter, including some dry instant ramen packs, some warm fruit that hadn't quite gone bad, some canned soups and a few articles of meat.

Asuka pulled a face and picked up fruit and gingerly took a bite. After once again looking over the assortment of foodstuffs, she picked up a can of instant soup and eyed it critically. "Don't know what the hell we're going to do with this." She said bitterly and tossed it aside. Before it could hit the floor however, Shinji caught it, and shot Asuka an irritated look. "What?" Asuka asked incredulously. "What are we supposed to open it with, hmm, Third Child?" She asked condescendingly as she took another bite of the fruit.

Shinji stood up slowly, then reached into a drawer and pulled out a manual can opener, and handed it to Asuka. He then placed the can of soup on the counter and walked out of the kitchen. "I'm going to see how the other rooms of the house are doing." He said softly. Asuka stared at the can opener with a smirk, placed it next to the soups, and then she took another bite out of the fruit before tossing it away and leaving the kitchen.

Asuka found Shinji standing in the doorway of Misato's room, his fists slowly clenching and unclenching, and his gaze on the floor. She approached slowly and stood near him, trying to make out what expression on his face, the expression that would tell her the most prudent way of talking to him. Before she could say anything however, he spoke.

"I can't…" He said softly, closed the door to her room and walked away. Asuka stood a little stunned at this reaction, and watched him walk toward the bathroom. 

Shinji entered the bathroom and found it in a relatively decent state, but still not wonderful. He began to pick up the larger shards of glass from the floor, putting them in the bathtub. Once through, he looked through the cabinets to see if there was anything useful. There were a couple untouched towels and the usual bathroom cleaning accessories. After grabbing the towels, he began to search through the medicine cabinet, found some mild painkillers, gauze strips, Band-Aids, and a small roll of medical bandages. After piling all of them into the open towels, he carried them into the living room area.

"Asuka?" He called into the apartment.

"I'm in Misato's bedroom!" She called back. Shinji winced and began to sort out all of the bathroom items. "I didn't find much." Asuka voice sounded from a much nearer distance. "Just this." Then he heard a cocking sound, of metal scraping against metal. His gaze shot to the location of the sound and he saw Asuka holding a pistol, Misato's secondary handgun. Shinji's eyes narrowed at this.

"Not like there is anything left to shoot with that." He said darkly before turning back to bathroom supplies. 

"Excuse me, Third Child?" She asked menacingly.

"Nothing. Sorry." He mumbled. There were two successive thumps, and a loud curse. "What the hell did you do that for?" Shinji demanded angrily as he rubbed the back of his head.

"That was for saying sorry." Asuka returned in a low, angry voice. No doubt the argument probably would have gone further, and probably gotten more violent, if something didn't stop both teens in their paths. It was a sound, very faint, but so familiar that they both picked up on it. After staring wide-eyed at each other for a brief second, they both ran to the source of the sound, which was Shinji's bedroom.

They found Shinji's room in a horrendous state, all sorts of items all over the place, and even pieces of the ceiling had fallen. They had no idea why Shinji's room was in such a state, but they didn't give it much thought, for under a pile of rubble from the broken ceiling, lay a very badly injured penguin.

"Pen Pen!" Shinji cried out and began to remove the rubble as quickly as possible. Asuka dropped the gun and began to remove the rubble also. Every time she picked up a rock, she hissed through her teeth. "Asuka, go get my stuff. The stuff from the bathroom." Shinji said hurriedly. Asuka left to get the requested items. As Shinji removed more of the ceiling fragments, dust of the ceiling material kicked up, and soon Shinji was hacking and coughing as he desperately tried to get the penguin out from its position. It felt like there was fire in his chest every time he took a breath, and his mouth and throat felt like they were caked dry with the white soot. Asuka came back with the supplies, and helped with the last bit of the rescue.

Eventually they both were able to uncover their long time friend. Pen Pen managed to tilt his head to look at them and make a weak "wark" in order to show them that he was indeed still alive. 

Shinji was near tears and he slowly attempted to lift the penguin, but a sharp look pain on Pen Pen's face told him that it was not going to work. "It's all right Pen Pen, we're going to help you out. In no time you'll be better." Although he spoke to the penguin, it seemed that the words were meant more as a reassurance for him. 

Shinji then began to cough frightfully, and soon he was doubled over hacking and heaving. It came out sounding strangled and dry. He then felt his head being yanked up by his hair, and water was poured down his throat. He gagged on the incoming flow of water, but managed to drink a bit before pulling his head forcefully away. He coughed for a bit more, then retched a thick gray fluid onto the floor. He collapsed on his side fighting for breath. Only then did he notice Asuka calling out frantically to him.

"Shinji! Shinji! Are you okay! Shinji!" Shinji managed what he felt was a nod but apparently, Asuka was not convinced. When Shinji managed to gain back some of his breath, he reached out for the open bottle of water that Asuka had used to wash his throat and mouth clean of the ceiling dust. He drank deeply before once again collapsing on the floor to regain his breath. Shinji looked up at Asuka and saw something he never saw on her before. He saw fear, it hovered in her eye and on her face as she desperately looked for something more to do. She finally made eye contact with him, her light blue eyes meeting his dark blue ones, and Shinji managed a very weak smile. Asuka's facial expression relaxed a bit, but her eyes still held the hated feeling.

"Help…Pen Pen." He managed to say between gasps and small fits of coughs. Asuka looked at him hesitantly before turning to help the injured penguin, which now lay nearly motionless save the slight swelling and contracting of breathing. She used one of the towels and slid it carefully beneath the penguin, only eliciting a few uncomfortable looks from Pen Pen. After having the penguin firmly on the towel, she turned back to Shinji to see if he had recovered, which he seemed to have done. He slowly stood and made his way toward Pen Pen's feet. He grabbed the corners of the towel near the penguin's feet while Asuka grabbed the corners of the towel near its head. They slowly lifted Pen Pen, and Asuka's face contorted in pain. 

They managed to maneuver Pen Pen to the living room where they lay him down in the center of the room. What water they had from the bottle that Shinji used, they gave to Pen Pen, who when finished, gave them both what seemed to be grateful looks before going to sleep. They both sat next to the penguin, Shinji sitting almost breathless while Asuka placed her hand gently on Pen Pen's head. They stayed that way for quite a while, before Shinji finally found his way back from his own thoughts.

"You're bleeding." He said almost guiltily as he gathered some of the gauze to staunch the flow of blood coming from Asuka's bad arm. Asuke looked at her arm, surprised to see that it was indeed bleeding.

"I didn't notice." She said absently as Shinji dressed the wound carefully. The blood slowly seeped out of the light scar tissue, dripping and forming soft red pools on the floor. 

"No more heavy lifting for you." He said as he finished.

"Bullshit. I'm no weakling." She said almost angrily.

"Sorry, but I never said you were." He answered meekly at the hostility. "If you don't rest it and give it time to heal, it will never get better." She glared at him coldly.

"Maybe it wouldn't need healing if someone had done their goddamn job." She hissed as she stood up and walked into the kitchen. Shinji sat on the floor, gauze still in the palm of his hand, his fist slowly clenching and unclenching. 

*******

Shinji stood out on the balcony by himself, looking out at the sky. The strip of red was still visible, though it seemed thicker and darker now, almost as if it were getting closer. He looked over the remains of the city. It had once stood proud, as the last defense of man, but now it was dead, gutted, its innards exposed along the streets and its gray, dry bones brittle and crumbling. He remembered standing up here and thinking, _'How many people are in this city? How many people do I save every time I pilot eva? How many people get hurt every time I pilot eva? How many people die every time I pilot eva?'_ Now he stood, similar questions on his mind, but altogether greater in magnitude. _'How many people died because I didn't pilot eva? How many people died because I was too afraid? How many people died because I made a wrong choice?'_ These thoughts occupied the mind of Shinji Ikari, as guilt slowly ate at him from the inside.

__

'How many men, women and children? How many pets like Pen Pen? How many fellow class mates? Why? Why was I chosen? Didn't you see Rei? Didn't you see that I was not ready? Didn't you see that I was too weak, too stupid, too pathetic and self absorbed to make the right decision? Why did you give it to me? I never wanted the decision.' He didn't know it, but tears were slowly making their way down his cheeks. 

Asuka stood next to him, watching him intently, fear in her eye. _'What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What happened inside of NERV base while I was fighting? Why didn't you save me…I thought you…why? Why are you crying? Crying is for the weak. Why do you feel pain? What happened Shinji?' _Shinji never noticed her presence. Asuka stood by his side, watching him for a few more pained minutes before going into her bedroom to gather any sleeping materials. 

Shinji stood that way for a long time. Asking himself questions that he could not answer, or did not want to answer. He stood there and gazed absently across the skeleton of Tokyo-3, its ghostly gray buildings shadowed against the night. Then Shinji began to cough.

*******

"Put it back. We don't want any foods that require us to use our water." Asuka told Shinji as they viewed their findings of the day. After a long night's rest, they had gotten up to find Pen Pen moving about, in some pain, but nonetheless moving about. Not exactly having much to eat or drink, they had decided that it would be best to spend the greater part of the day looking for the ruins of buildings that distributed foodstuffs. Shinji had the idea of maybe checking to see if the local supermarket lay in tact, and a good idea it was. Large portions of the store were damaged and caved in, but Asuka had found a way to the store's product storage area. That area wasn't hit as hard as the store itself, but there were broken boxes everywhere. Hundreds of dirt brown boxes were piled on top of each other forming small mounds and hills, some still in tact and sealed, others bust open completely with its contents spilling and mixing with the mess. 

Among everything, they had found a rather large stash of their precious bottled water, seeing as how the only water in the city were in shallow puddles. Shinji and Asuka began to carry as much of the water back to the apartment, taking up most of the afternoon. After hauling about half the boxes up the ugly flight of stairs, Asuka got the wonderful idea of just leaving the boxes of water at the bottom of the stairwell, after all, it wasn't like anyone was going to come along and steal it. Now the two of them were finishing up sifting through the food boxes. Their food stashes so far consisted of crackers, chips and dried meat. Shinji had wanted to get some condensed soup, but Asuka ruled against it. Nothing could be taken that would use up their limited supply of water.

"But it gives us most of the nutrients we need." Shinji tried his best to argue, "Besides, if we run low on water, we can always drink the leftover beer and iced coffee drinks back home." It was funny, Shinji thought, that he should still refer to the apartment that they were in as home. Was it really his home?

"You idiot. Water cleans the system, and on top of everything else, beer makes you thirsty. Anything with alcohol in it makes you thirsty, didn't you know that?" Asuka countered, irritated but also slightly amused that Shinji would argue with her. "Well, grab what you can, let's head back before it starts to get cold. We'll have dinner and then start searching other apartments for supplies." She continued as she started climbing down from one of the stacks of boxes. As she did so, the world went out of focus for a second and she let out a small scream as she toppled forward. Shinji caught her before she could take too bad a fall.

"You need to stop exerting yourself." Shinji said in voice laced with concern, as he looked at the bandages on Asuka's arm, fresh from the night before, but now a bright red with fresh blood.

"Bullshit." She said as she pulled herself away from his hold. "And get your hands off me. Did I give you permission to touch me? Pervert." She said the last part just loud enough for him to hear. Shinji sighed softly and let his gaze rest on the floor for a second before picking up a box that they had first emptied, then filled with the food items that they wanted. Asuka grabbed her box and they began their trek back home. A little less than halfway back, Shinji noticed that Asuka's bandaged arm was dripping blood. He was about to offer to take her box as well, but when he opened his mouth, he all of a sudden broke out into a coughing fit. Two boxes dropped, spilling their contents onto the ground. Asuka patted Shinji's back as he hacked and coughed until hot tears streamed down his face as he tried to breathe. Eventually it wore off and Shinji collapsed onto his stomach, breathing hard. He felt Asuka turn him over onto his back so his breathing would be unhindered.

"Are you all right Shinji?" She asked.

"Be fine." He answered in between breaths. He began to slowly get up, Asuka's arm under his arms as support. Once upright, he tried to walk on his own, only to find his balance lost and he tumbled back to earth. Asuka wasn't quick enough to catch him, but she helped him up again, and this time refused to let Shinji try to walk on his own again.

"No you don't." She said softly. "I don't think either of us are very fit right now for carrying these things. Leave them here until tomorrow, let's go home." They gave each other support as they made their way back. 

They ate in silence. Shinji had pocketed some cans of sardines for Pen Pen, an oversight on Asuka's part. Pen Pen watched both teens, as they were lost in their own thoughts. What they were thinking, he didn't know. After his meal was done, he settled down into a pile of blankets that had become his bed and he slept. When they were both done, Shinji began to change Asuka's bandages. He used some of their water to wash off her arm, and Asuka pulled a face as he did so. 

"What a waste." She said to herself, but Shinji still heard.

"Some things are more important." Shinji added cautiously.

"If I wanted your opinion I'd give it to you. Get it Third Child?" Asuka said icily. Shinji paused, and pretended to stretch his arm to give himself an excuse to get out his tic of clenching and unclenching his hand. He continued to dress her arm in silence.

"I don't think we should be going anywhere tonight Asuka. We both aren't in such good shape right now. We need rest more than anything." Shinji ventured to say as he dried her arm.

"No rest for the weary. Rest is for the weak." Asuka retorted curtly. Shinji once again began the act of stretching out his arm.

"What's your rush, we have all the time in the world, if you hadn't noticed." Shinji added the last part to his own surprise. Asuka's eye lit up a bit at the boldness.

"We have a lot to do, and the sooner things get done, the better. And why don't you start putting on those bandages instead of stretching. I don't see any of your arms bleeding profusely." She added the last part in a tone that was daring him to say something in return.

"And what exactly are you planning to do after we search for supplies? It's not like we're gonna go anywhere." Shinji found himself avoiding the latter challenge, but still arguing his point.

"Well I don't know about you, but I don't plan to stay here forever." Asuka's tone was becoming increasingly hostile, as was Shinji's.

"And you plan to move out into nowhere? Take a look outside Asuka, there's nothing for miles around." Shinji said with a motion of his arm.

"How do you know that? Did you look? Do you know something I don't?" Asuka said as she stood up, the end of the bandage dangling from her arm freely. "I'm so sick and fucking tired of your whining defeatist attitude. If you're so convinced that everything is over and done with, maybe you ought to just off yourself!" Shinji's look darkened and he stood up, his gaze once again on the floor. "Or maybe you do know something I don't. Do you Shinji? After all, this is your Hellhole we've ended up in. Is this your idea of a perfect world Shinji? Nothing? Goddamn you! Look me in the eyes!"

"Eye." Shinji said softly.

"What?!" Asuka dared more than asking out ignorance. 

"You have one eye." Shinji said softly. "And maybe that's not such a bad idea."

"What isn't?" Asuka hissed at him, her hands now balled into fists in strain.

"Killing myself. You obviously hate me. And you don't need my help, maybe I'll just let you be." Shinji felt a stinging slap across his face.

"No way in Hell Shinji. You're not getting out of this that easy. You made this world, and you put me here. And there is no way that I'll let you sell short." Asuka said as she grabbed Shinji by the collar of his shirt and hauled him up.

"Your arm is bleeding." He said softly.

"I don't fucking care right now." Shinji still refused to meet her angry eye. "Fine. You want to kill yourself, go ahead. Be the pathetic, weak nothing that you always were. Still running away from everything, thinking the entire world is against you, that everyone hates you, crying for your mommy…" Asuka found her grip on Shinji broken as he flung her backward in an explosion of force.

"You should talk! You never came to terms with your past either! Always pretending to be strong, acting like there was nothing wrong with you, you're no better than I am! You just had a different way of dealing with things. And in the end, you couldn't deal with it either, and you ended up prone and pathetic on a hospital bed. So don't you talk to me about running away, you stubborn, bitter, insensitive, insufferable, conceited brat!" Shinji finally made eye contact.

"How dare you." Asuka said in a dangerously soft voice. "How dare you, you little pipsqueak. While you were pissing your pants in the halls of NERV, I got over my past, and I was fighting to save the world! More than you have ever done! So fuck you Ikari! You piloted not to protect people, but because you wanted acceptance! I also piloted for acceptance for a long time, but you were everyone's knight! Well you were a hero all right, you're a pathetic hero! Well if only they could see the real you. The minute you agreed to pilot eva, you took a responsibility and you let them down! So don't you talk to me about the Hedgehog's Dilemma you piece of shit!"

The two teenagers stood, glaring at each other, their hands balled into fists so tight that their knuckles were white and it seemed that their fingers were trying to hold onto blood.

"So why don't you give yourself a running start, and take a flying leap off that balcony." Asuka hissed. "But keep in mind, that not only will you let down the population of planet earth, but you will let down Misato, and Touji, and Hikari, and Kensuke, and Rei, but most importantly you will let me down." There was a deafening pause, and neither teen noticed that Pen Pen was watching in fear from his bed of blankets. "Why am I the most important? Because I'm here with you, right now. And I believe in you. I believe that you are strong enough. I believe that since you had the power to make things this way, even if by accident, you have the power to make things right again." Once again silence settled in the room.

"I never asked for the choice." Shinji whispered.

"But you were given the choice. I don't know if I would have done the same thing in your shoes. I don't know if my choice would have been better if I had been chosen." Asuka said, her fists finally unclenching. "But now you have the responsibility." Then Shinji turned and stalked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Asuka stood still for a while, her eyes never leaving the door. Pen Pen watched her, worry etched on his face.

"Wark?" He finally uttered.

"Weak." She said softly, as a tear coursed down her face.

*******

__

Shinji was back in a familiar train, it's soft, artificial looking light sifting through the windows. He wasn't sitting down though, he was standing and looking out the window at the world before him. He remembered trees and plants going by, but there were none, just emptiness and light. There didn't even seem to be a ground, and he couldn't see the train tracks, but he had no doubt that they were there. However, the scenery wasn't what was on his mind, in truth, he could care less about the scenery.

"Hey, you're standing, and you lost the tape player. Good for you, what an improvement." A voice said, and Shinji saw a figure in the reflection of the window, sitting behind him. Shinji ignored the voice that he assumed was coming from the figure. "Thinking about what she said? All right, I'll give you a couple seconds to think it over. Thinking is good for you right now, better that you think than make a hasty decision that you will regret later, isn't that right? Well, I'll shut up now. When you're done, just tell me."

The figure was that of a little kid, but the details Shinji couldn't make out. So he didn't concern himself with it, and he thought. He didn't keep track of how long, and it wasn't like he could anyway, the light seemed to never cease. Part of the artificial feeling that the light seemed to emanate.

"She's right." Shinji said finally.

"Is she though?" The voice asked curiously.

"She is."

"You didn't ask for the choice. Why is it your responsibility?"

"Because it was given to me. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Choices are thrust upon people everyday, choices no one asked for, but they have to make them anyway. And those choices become responsibilities."

"Did you come up with that one all on your own?"

"No." Shinji answered. "I had help."

"Did you? You need help?"

"Everyone needs help."

"Even her?"

"Even her." Shinji carried on the conversation without looking back. "So what happened to the scenery?"

"Disappeared with the rest of the world."

"So why isn't it desolate?"

"Because you can shape it to whatever you want it to be." Shinji was silent after that answer. "Are you sure you can do this?"

"No." Shinji said immediately.

"You sound awfully confident."

"Cause I'm talking to myself." Shinji said softly. "I guess that means I'm crazy." Shinji said without humor.

"They also say that talking to yourself is the sign that you are a genius." The voice offered, with an equal amount of humor. There was a long pause as Shinji continued to think.

"I'm getting off." Shinji said softly.

"Not yet you're not. We haven't reached the destination, so sit back and relax." The voice trailed off.

"You mean there is a set destination? Never was like that before." Shinji inquired.

"Well, the world is full of surprises. Plus, you were never in this situation before."

"I can't think forever, I have to act sometime."

"Well, wait a little bit, we're almost there."

Shinji was silent for a while.

"So why do you feel the way you do? What do you owe those people? They never did anything for you." The voice suddenly asked.

"I don't know. I said it was my responsibility." Shinji said after a long pause.

"You don't sound as sure of yourself. And if you don't know, then you really aren't in any state to make a decision are you? Which means I can't allow you to get off yet. We'll just take a little detour. Until you come up with a good answer." Shinji sighed at this response. "You see? You're still immature."

"I guess I owe them because I was a pilot." Shinji offered.

"Do you really feel that way?"

"Yes."

"Wrong!" The voice suddenly shouted. "Wrong, wrong, wrong. What's the matter with you Shinji? You can't tell me that you owe these people something. They've never given you anything, your responsibility for being a pilot or not. None of them ever did anything to help." Shinji was silent, as he continued to stare out the window. From the time Shinji stated that he didn't know, the train ride had begun to get steadily bumpier. Now the car was nearly off the tracks shaking back and forth…and as time passed, the noise became deafening. "There's some food for thought! You were right about to go off and do something hasty just because of some argument you and the demon had! I saved you from making a big mistake Shinji! You should thank me! I saved you from a world of pain and misery!" Then the train went still.

"No." Shinji said firmly. "You're wrong. What they gave me was their trust. Every single last person on the planet gave me their trust, as soon as I started to pilot eva, whether it was for my own gains or not. For that trust I owe them to keep on living, and to shape the world I see in front of me into something better." Shinji gave a thoughtful pause. "Though I think Asuka is wrong on one end. I don't think I owe her the most…I owe Rei the most…because she entrusted the decision to me. And now I owe her my life and all I can give to living…because she entrusted me with this. It's my responsibility now, whether I want it or not. Owing people has nothing to do with this situation, responsibility is a good enough reason."

"Well, it looks like someone has grown up." The voice said in slightly amused tone.

Shinji continued to stare out the window. Then the train began to slow, until finally it came to a stop. "This is it kid. Do or die. Time to make the choice." Shinji looked at the door that seemed to open out to the nothingness of light. 

Without looking back at the figure, Shinji said "And by the way, Asuka's not a demon."

"I know." The voice said.

"You are."

"I know." There was a pause as Shinji stared out the door, and he put out one foot and let it hover. "I don't suppose I'll be seeing you anymore?" The voice asked sadly.

"No, you won't." Shinji said, and stepped out.

Shinji found himself staring at Misato's cross. He reached up, and yanked it from its place. It felt heavy, and he looked at it for a brief second before closing his hand over it, as if he were trying to keep a delicate flower from blowing away in the wind.

"This is for you too Misato." He said, and then began to cough.

*******

Asuka cringed as she woke up from her nap. In her sleep, she had managed to roll onto her bad arm. "Well shit." She said as she groggily got up.

"Wark." Pen Pen squawked in concern.

"I'll be fine. Worry about yourself." Asuka said half bitterly. She turned her head sharply at the sound of the front door to the apartment door opening and closing, prompting another migraine. When her vision once again adjusted, she saw Shinji standing at the entrance of the living room pulling a face. 

"You look like shit. But I suppose since you finally came back, you decided not to kill yourself."

"Finally? I've only been gone for a day." Shinji countered.

"Try three days." Asuka said incredulously.

"Well that would explain how you found time to get the room to sparkle." Shinji said with a trace of awe in his voice, not so much at the fact that the room was cleaner now, but that he had been gone for so long, and that he indeed must look like shit. Funny thing was, he didn't remember feeling hungry, or ever needing to stop and relieve himself. Now with his mind on food, hunger hit him like hard. "Do you have anything left to eat?" He asked. Asuka reached down with her bad arm to try and pick up an open bag of jerky, but her arm felt weak and it was a visible struggle for her to keep a firm grip on the bag.

The room was in fact cleaner. There was almost no debris in the living room, a few half-filled bottles of water, some open bags of various foods and some decent furniture. They sat in silence as Shinji ate his fill, being careful not to gorge himself. Asuka cradled her bad arm as she sat on half a couch. Shinji noticed that the bandages on her arm looked haphazard and stale. When Shinji was done eating, he got up and walked over to Asuka.

"Um…could I uh…see your arm?" Shinji asked timidly, knowing that at some point he would have to talk to her about what had happened in the past few days. She gave him her good arm with a questioning look on her face. "The other one." Shinji said in an almost embarrassed tone. Asuka gingerly gave him her bad arm and Shinji sniffed it and pulled a face. "How long has it been since you changed those?"

"Since you left." Asuka said in an accusatory voice. "Even then, I had to try and do it myself."

"Well we need to get it cleaned." Shinji said and looked around the nearly empty room. "I'll need a bucket or a basin with a sponge." Asuka grimaced.

"I think there might be one in the apartment next door, or one in the bathroom if you're willing to brave it." She said. "But I haven't found a bucket, or anything close to it." Shinji decided it would be best to hold down his meal so he went to the next apartment to find the sponge. After finding it and grabbing a bar of soap as well, he went down the staircase to find a box of water, placed the sponge and soap in his pocket then climbed the stairs with the water. When he got back into the apartment, Asuka grimaced.

"Shinji, that's our water."

"We need water to clean that arm of yours." He replied as he placed the box down in the kitchen next to the pile of discarded food wrappers. Shinji began a small coughing fit but worked through it easily. 

"We don't have a bucket." Asuka said challengingly.

"There's the sink, we can plug it." Shinji said as he placed the plug in the drain. "Nice try." He continued as he smiled at her. Asuka was very surprised at this turn, and allowed herself a bemused smirk as she watched him empty the water into the sink. After filling it halfway, he rummaged through the drawers until he found a pair of scissors. He gently took Asuka's arm and cut away the bandages. She hissed in pain as the encrusted bandages were peeled from her skin, and Shinji dipped the arm in the water, watching it slowly cloud red.

"So how did you get the room so clean?" Shinji asked timidly. As he pulled the sponge and soap from his pocket.

"Well, since I finished searched the neighboring apartments for useful items, and I had no idea when you were coming back if you were coming back at all…" Asuka began curtly, "I grabbed all the mess in the living room and sorted them out. I kept the crap and threw the shit off the balcony…ow!" Asuka was cut off by Shinji scrubbing her arm with the sponge. He smirked at her sudden use of vulgar words. There was a pause in speech, and he saw that it wasn't because she no longer had anything to say, but because she was biting down on her lip in pain. If this was her reaction to only the sponge, he was dreading her reaction to the soap.

"So I guess there was a lot of shit then?" Shinji tried to add some humor, but Asuka apparently did not find it funny, given the circumstances. He paused to look at her arm, and saw that parts of the wound were open fresh and bleeding freely, Asuka closed her eye at the sight. He quickly put the arm back into the water, which was now only a slight shade lighter than blood itself, and picked up the soap. Asuka let out a muffled scream as Shinji began to scrub with the soap and she struggled a bit to pull away.

"Asuka, the bandages were rotten. Your arm needs to be cleaned well or we'll just have to do this over again." Shinji said, and reluctantly Asuka stopped struggling, but her eye remained shut. He felt wave of guilt when he saw that she was crying silently in pain, but told himself it would be worse for her if he didn't do this right. He kept at it for a while, just to make sure that he got it thoroughly clean, then he used a fresh bottle of water to rinse it off with. 

The reopened wounds were bleeding less than before and the wound looked clean, so Shinji stanched the bleeding with the gauze before bandaging the arm up fresh. When he was done, he saw Asuka wiping her eyes. 

"Thanks." She said in a small voice. The two made their way back into the living and sat in awkward silence. Shinji noticed that the sun had started to set, and he picked up the bag of jerky again and began to eat in silence as he slowly thought of a way to tell Asuka exactly what had gone on in his mind. "For all that pain, you had better have come to grips." She said, a little irritated.

"Yeah I did." He answered lamely.

"Good." Was all she said before sitting down next to Pen Pen who was dozing. She began to gently pet the penguin, and Shinji kept waiting for her to ask him what had happened.

"You aren't going to ask me what happened?" He asked nervously.

"No. Just like how I expect you not to ask me about how I came to terms with my problems." She said as she continued to pet Pen Pen. They once again let silence dominate the room, like they so often had since they had both woken up next to the ocean of LCL. It was when Pen Pen was asleep that the silence was finally broken.

"We're going to leave Shinji." Asuka said softly. "But not now. We have to look after Pen Pen, and he's in no condition to come with us. Shinji…" Asuka trailed off with a troubled look on her face, as if she were mustering up the courage to say something that would be hard to swallow. "I don't think Pen Pen is going to make it." Shinji felt his heart sink. He had thought so too, but it was something else to have someone else agree with the line of thought. "Every day, he's gotten worse. He doesn't seem to be in pain, but he's getting weaker. He was only able to get himself out of bed to eat and to go to the bathroom today. Tomorrow, I'm not even sure if he'll have the strength to do that." Shinji wasn't sure of what to say, so he stayed silent.

Asuka all of a sudden stood up and motioned for Shinji to follow. He followed close behind with a questioning look on his face, and she led him out of the apartment. After closing the door, she started walking toward the stairwell.

"I've been preparing for our leave. I put all our stuff in another apartment. I found duffel bags from other apartments, ruck sacks from on the streets from the military as well as water canteens." She told him as they went one floor down, and into an apartment, which was an even greater disaster area than Misato's apartment had been. Asuka took him into the kitchen where he saw what she had collected. There were two duffel bags filled with food items, two ruck sacks which she had filled with water bottles and had sleeping bags strapped to the top, two large water canteens with straps, and finally a couple of shoulder bags, also filled with water. Shinji let out a groan.

"We're carrying all that?" He asked miserably. 

"Don't whine. We have enough to last us fourteen days. We travel seven days in one direction, and if we don't find anything, we turn around and come back to the city, restock and try a different direction." Asuka explained then flashed him a proud smile.

"Sounds like you really got this planned out." Shinji said half-heartedly.

"Of course." Asuka said as she threw back her hair in an attempt at her old flourish. However, she was unable to complete it as another migraine blasted her senses. A bright light clouded her vision and she let out a groan as she toppled to the floor. Shinji kneeled beside her and supported her by her shoulders.

"What's wrong?" Panic was evident in his voice.

"Nothing." She groaned. "Ever since I woke up, I've been having these awful migraines."

"Since you woke up this morning?"

"No, since I woke up woke up, with you over me and everything." She said quickly, not wanting to revisit the scene in great detail.

"Oh." Was all Shinji said.

As she tried to clear her head, she felt something being tugged free of her head. "What are you doing?" She asked irritably.

"I'm taking the bandages around your head off. They can't be good right now." Shinji said as he tugged the last bandage free. A piece of gauze that had covered her bad eye fell to the floor, and although Asuka had both eyes open now, she still couldn't see out of one.

"Fuck." She swore.

"Is it worse?" Shinji asked worriedly.

"No. But I think I'm blind in one eye." She said bitterly. Shinji made to say something, but Asuka quickly cut him off, "If you say sorry, so help me Shinji I will knock you unconscious." That shut him up quickly. "But my migraines have gotten a bit better. Help me up Shinji." He did and she steadied herself. "Thanks. Let's go back and sleep." She said. "We got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

"Why?" Shinji asked in almost a whining tone, but he checked himself, and turned it into a legitimate question.

"Because if we're going to be making our trip, then we're going to need proper clothes." She explained as they climbed the stair well back to their apartment. "We'll need more than just some shirts, pants and sneakers to make a trek that long. I'm sure we could…" Asuka paused and pulled a face as Shinji began to cough, when he was done, she continued. "I'm sure we could find some military boots from the streets that would fit us, as well as some loose fitting uniforms. Those would certainly suit better than what we have now."

"I guess so." Shinji said softly.

"I thought you said you got a grip?"

"I did."

"Then lighten up." Asuka commanded.

"Hard to when the starting point of our journey is the end of the line for Pen Pen." Shinji said darkly. Asuka whipped around to look at him, anger flaring in one eye, the other being milk white and no feeling in it made it look even meaner. 

"Well what do you propose? That we stay here forever? Or maybe that we try and drag the penguin along with us in his already weakened state? I know, let's leave the penguin behind to fend for himself." Asuka's voice was unusually loud in the stairwell.

"That's not what I was implying." He stated flatly.

"Well what then?" She asked.

"Nothing. I intend to go with you, but I don't have to like the circumstance do I?" He brushed past her and into the hallway. Asuka was busy trying to comprehend what had just happened. After a little while, she gave up trying to understand, and just attributed it to whatever happened when Shinji came to grips.

*******

Shinji stared out across the expanse of broken buildings, holding Misato's cross in his hand. There was a new resolution that stirred inside of him that he would continue to live. As he looked to the sky, he thought that he saw that the strip of red that covered the sky was lower and darker now.

*******

"Hey Pen Pen." Shinji said as the Penguin woke up. "Are you hungry?" Pen Pen shook his head negative. Shinji sighed and stood up from his position next to the penguin's bed, and walked into the kitchen to where Asuka sat reading a book that she had found from one of the broken down stores. She looked up at him expectantly.

"He won't eat." He said as he sat down next to her. She placed her book down and closed, closed her eyes and sighed.

"Well, what can we do then?" She asked to no one in particular. Shinji shrugged in reply. He felt his resolve seemed to deteriorate with each passing day that they spent in Tokyo-3.

"Poor Pen Pen." Shinji said as he pulled his knees to his chest, and rested his arms and chin on them. 

"Well, let's go for a walk Shinji." Asuka said and stood up.

"Walk where?" He inquired curiously.

"Outside you idiot, where else?" She replied irritably.

"What for?" Shinji said and groaned as he got up.

"Wuss." Asuka said under her breath. "To get more supplies."

"But we already have…" Before Shinji could finish, Asuka had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him toward and out the door of the apartment. She turned in the doorway and yelled to Pen Pen that they would be gone only for a little while to look for some supplies. After a weak response from the penguin, the two descended the broken stairs to the city. They walked in silence for a little while, Asuka's expression was emotionless while Shinji sulked.

Everything around them had a dead glow to it, and it was this that Shinji attributed the reason for the slow dissolution of his resolve. A warm breeze blew, and as they passed by a children's park, a swing eerily squeaked as it moved slowly back and forth. Shinji had no idea where they were going, but he was in no mood to deal with Asuka's attitude, so he chose to remain silent. They passed an abandoned construction site, and he made notes of streets and street corners in case they got lost. With all the turns that they took though, he could no longer keep track, so he eventually gave up and resigned himself to the fact that if they did get lost, he would have to take the blame. As they passed a now dead construction site, the two teens noticed an odd smell in the air, and naturally curious, they made their way toward the smell without thinking that it could in fact be toxic.

It so turned out that it was not toxic, and they arrived at a home improvement store. It was a rather large looming building, with and area at the very top where the sign was supposed to be hanging, but the sign was now on the ground in several large, broken pieces. They both entered the building warily, and holding their noses in an effort to block out the smell.

"This is the smell of cooking gasses." Asuka said as she held her nose. Shinji began to cough, and it steadily started to grow worse. She looked at him urgently, and he waved her on to show her that he was fine. Under great strain and effort, Shinji was able to get his coughs under control. 

As Asuka made her way through the mess of a building, she wondered what a store like this would be doing in Tokyo-3 where there were almost no homes that would need working on. The city consisted mainly of apartment buildings, condominiums and flats. As long as they were here though, they would look around.

The interior of the building, like the rest of the buildings around, was totaled, and nothing short of. Poles, large pieces of wood, faucet heads, faucet valves, kitchen accessories, paints, paint brushes and other painting paraphernalia, everything that you would have expected in a home improvement store was on the floor or in heaps. Asuke lead the way to the woodwork section first and grabbed herself and Shinji some breathing masks. Then Shinji spotted where the smell was coming from. He tapped Asuka on the shoulder, not trusting himself to talk without beginning another coughing fit, and pointed. 

The smell was coming from a barbecue and portable stove section of the store, where the tanks of propane and butane had fallen over onto each other and cracked. Asuka pulled a face and the two of them began sifting through the mess finding several cans of butane. Shinji collected them and pointed out a portable stove to Asuka. He then went over and picked it up, looked it over to see if it was okay then motioned toward the entrance of the store. She shook her head and started moving away from the area that they were in. Shinji had no idea what she was doing, so her headed to the front of the store. Asuka moved down the aisles of the store, checking each until she found what she wanted. She picked up several small boxes from the floor, pocketed them and ran back toward the entrance to where Shinji waited. They made sure they were a good distance from the store before releasing their noses, each taking a deep breath of the air. 

"That reeked." Shinji panted as he leaned against a wall. Asuka only nodded. "What did you get?" He asked as he motioned to the boxes that Asuka had stuffed her pockets with. She smiled and pulled out a box of matches. 

"For our trek." She said and placed it back in her pocket. "What about you Shinji? You grabbed a stove, and what for? What have we got that you can actually cook?"

"Well," Shinji began, before promptly breaking out into another serious coughing fit. Tears stung his eyes and his face turned red before he feel to his hands and knees trying to regain his breath. Every cough sent a stabbing pain through his chest, and he felt Asuka pulled him onto his rear. She had him brace his back against the wall, and his coughing slowly eased.

"You shouldn't hunch over when you're coughing like that." She said with a worried expression on her face. "Lean back something and expand your chest, it makes it easier to breathe." Shinji only nodded as he caught his breath. They stayed there for a while before Shinji felt fit enough to get up. Asuka helped him along as they made their way back.

"Do you know where you're going?" Shinji asked.

"Of course I do you idiot. Don't you think I was paying attention to where I was going?" She said without the normal bite.

"You remembered all the streets and turns?" 

"Of course. You're with Asuka Langley Sohryuu, I have a memory next to photographic." She said with a faint smile. Shinji smiled as well.

"It might come in handy." He said.

"Of course it will. It's getting us home right now, isn't it?"

"I was talking about the stove." He continued. "It might come in handy."

"Fine, if you insist on keeping it around, you're responsible for it. I'm not going to end up shouldering more weight because you decide to bring along something a little less than essential for our trek."

"That might not happen for a while." He said flatly. They both fell into a heavy silence at that.

"Sometimes I wonder, when that penguin is going to die." Asuka finally said. Shinji pulled away and angrily glared at her.

"Pen Pen is our friend." He said hotly.

"I know that Shinji! You think I don't feel pain at the fact that he's not going to make it?" She replied just as hotly.

"Then what the hell was that comment supposed to mean?"

"I mean I want to get on living. I've resigned myself to the fact that Pen Pen isn't going to live, and I think that he has done that as well. But I want to go on living, and I know you do to. The difference between you and me right now is that you have a bleeding heart that will do us no good right now."

"Its not supposed to do us any good!" Shinji yelled. "Pen Pen is a friend, and what I intend to do instead of waiting for him to die, is to make his what's left of his life happy. And not once do I ever wonder when he is going to die, because I appreciate every last day that I can spend with him."

"Don't tell me you can't feel it!" Asuka returned. "This place is eating away at us Shinji! If I don't get out of here I'm going to go crazy! There is too much here! Too many bad feelings, too many dead buildings! This isn't someplace to live in Shinji! This is someplace to die in! An elephant graveyard! Well I don't intend to die here!"

"Neither do I Asuka." Shinji said coldly. They stared at each other levelly. And this time Shinji didn't back down. Then anger flared in Asuka's good eye, and she turned and began to stalk off back toward the apartment. Shinji watched her go, not wanting to be anywhere near her at the moment. He took a look around and realized that he was on familiar grounds, so he decided that he would take a walk, to allow himself, and to allow Asuka time to cool down.

Asuka muttered obscenities as she climbed the stairs of the apartment building. She skipped a missing stair and stopped one floor below theirs so she could drop the matches off in the their stash. She then continued her climb and made her way to the apartment. She let herself in calling out the Pen Pen that she was home. He didn't answer so she figured that he was asleep. After getting herself a bag of jerky to eat, she sat down next to the penguin. She looked down on him with pity, and she began to softly pet him. She sighed and slowly began to shake him.

"Pen Pen? Pen Pen, do you want something to eat? Pen Pen." She shook him a little harder, and then the situation struck her. She gasped and recoiled, covering her mouth with her hand.

*******

"I'm back." Shinji called into the apartment as he shut the door, but he didn't really expect and answer since he figured that Asuka would still be angry with him. As he made his way into the apartment however, he heard the sound of crying, and a feeling of guilt and dread flooded his senses. He quickly made his way into the living room where he found Asuka curled up in the far corner, rocking back on forth crying.

"Asuka." Shinji said as he kneeled down next to her. He wanted to put his arms around her to comfort her, but he was still afraid of the repercussions. Before, Asuka never wanted to be held, even in times of hurt, but now, when the situation might be that it was he that hurt her feelings in some way, it could be worse. "I'm sorry." Was the only thing he could think of saying.

"Pen Pen." She sobbed out. Shinji looked to the penguin's bed and immediately discerned what had happened, and a great weight settled on his heart. He wanted to say something, but found himself unable to speak, and he felt pressure building up behind his eyes, but he couldn't release it. He looked at Asuka, and he didn't want to cry. He should be strong right now, but then he looked back toward Pen Pen, a sob forced its way through and the tears began to flow. Then without hesitation, he placed his arms around Asuka's shoulders and held her close.

"I killed him." She cried.

"No you didn't." Shinji said softly.

"I did, I killed him." She said before a fresh wave of sorrow seemed to attack her. "I said, that I wondered when he was going to die, and when I came back, he was gone." She said through sobs.

"That's not your fault." He told her gently. "It was just finally his time. And the important thing was that, you made him as comfortable and happy as possible when he went." He grimaced at his own words. They both sat and wept, Shinji softly and Asuka loudly. The sun was setting before either of them decided to speak again.

"I want to go." Asuka said softly. "Now." Shinji could only nod, and they got up and went down to the apartment where their journey items were. They had found some military clothes that they could wear, and after suiting up in different rooms, they packed up their bags with the items that they had grabbed from the store. Asuka was pulling her gear on, sniffling when Shinji started out of the apartment without his gear. "Where are you going?" She asked.

"To take care of something." He replied before going back up to Misato's apartment. When he got there, he walked straight to Misato's room, and once again found himself on the threshold. He stood in the middle of the doorway, unmoving. He reached into one of the four pockets on the front of his fatigue jacket, and pulled out Misato's cross. In the past days, he had threaded it, and now he placed it around his neck. He took a determined step into the room and started sifting through the mess, until he found a photo of Misato, Pen Pen, himself and Asuka. It was in a broken metal frame, and torn at one of the corners. He studied it for a little while before pulling the picture out. He then went into the kitchen and opened a can of beer and a tin of sardines. After placing the photo in his pocket to make the other two items easier to carry, he took all three back into the living room. He placed the open beer and sardines on one side of Pen Pen, and placed the photo beneath the fin on the other side. Then, he pulled a blanket over Pen Pen covering him completely. "Rest in piece." He said softly and smiled.

By the time he and Asuka were actually outside and ready to go with all of their gear and supplies, it was night. Neither of them seemed to care though as they continued to head as far away from the point of Third Impact as possible. They followed a compass to the edge of the city and as they left the last of the buildings behind them, Shinji looked toward the heavens, and noticed that the red strip nearly took up the entire sky and seemed to block out even the moon. It was an ocean of blood in the sky, and he thought that very soon it would be coming down. They finally found themselves far enough away from the city to stop, its outline was still visible in the distance though, and they had no idea how much time there was until dawn. Still, they stopped at a sort of cave in a hillside, and they unrolled the sleeping bags that they had tied to the top of their rucksacks. 

"Is that Misato's cross?" Asuka asked softly.

"Yeah." Shinji replied as he took off his fatigue jacket. He then tucked the cross down the front of his shirt and stared out at the city for a final few moments before laying down on the sleeping bag, and falling into a deep but troubled slumber.

It rained that night…not long after the two teens retired, but it wasn't a normal rain, but a rain that would stain the country red before melting away. The sky cried for the destruction of its sibling, and the ocean of blood stormed.

*-*-*-*-*-*

****

Intermission

__

And with tears of blood he cleansed the hand,  
The hand that held the steel:  
For only blood can wipe out blood,  
And only tears can heal.  
_- - - -Oscar Wilde "The Ballad of Reading Gaol"_

*-*-*-*-*-*

The two walked across the now rocky landscape. The first day of travel had been the worst for them. They woke up in what seemed to be the late morning by telling of the sun. The air stank of drying blood, spoiling their appetite for the morning. Then they began the first day of their journey. It hadn't been pleasant and it seemed that as the day wore on into the afternoon, the smell slowly grew worse. To Asuka, it seemed like they were walking through a field of rotting corpses. A few times Shinji stopped to retch, and by the time the sun began to set, the heat and the smell had taken its toll. They stopped on a relatively dry rock and decided to camp out there for the night. 

The next day had not been any better. Since they had fallen asleep early the day before, they woke up early and began their journey just after the sun had made its entrance in the sky. The day before they had been able to make some idle conversation out of the necessity to take their minds off what they were leaving behind, however, such was not the case on the second day for not only was the heat worse, but so was the smell. The bulk of their effort was put into trying not to collapse from exhaustion or heat stroke, and when night rolled around, Asuka basically ordered a forced march. Neither of them noticed where the moon was in the sky when they finally stopped from utter fatigue.

They slept right through the next morning undisturbed by the smell and the heat, and well into the afternoon. When they finally awoke, Shinji had been worried that they had slept most of the day away, but Asuka pointed out that it was better that they sleep through the day and then walk for most of the night. Well, of course Shinji would have to agree that it made sense. Needless to say their late afternoon and night journey was a great deal more agreeable, and they were able to walk until dawn when by choice instead of by exhaustion, they stopped to rest.

*******

Shinji woke up to have his nostrils assailed by the smell of rotting blood. He had a headache, his mouth was dry and sticky, and his back and neck were stiff from sleeping on a rock. He rubbed the crust out his eyes and washed his mouth out with some water before drinking some. He rummaged around the bags for a second until he found some food and he began to eat. It wasn't long before Asuka was up and cursing softly in German as she worked out the kinks in her back and neck. After going through the same basic rituals as Shinji, she sat down next to him.

"How do ya feel?" She asked just to start a conversation.

"Like shit." Shinji replied half humorously.

"Well you look it."

"You're no sight to behold either." Shinji ventured a witty comeback. Asuka just snickered and finished her meal.

When they were both done, they packed up their things and once again began their journey. It was funny, before all this had happened, Shinji had always wanted to learn more about Asuka, to be able to hold a decent conversation with her, but he had always been afraid. Well, here he had a chance to talk to her without that fear and he couldn't think of anything to say. In fact, ever since they had started to walk their conversations and attempts at conversation were very bland and artificial. He chanced a look at Asuka, and saw the expression that he wore upon his face. A kind of tired determination coupled with boredom. It was interesting really. Here they were at the end of the world and the best that he could think of was that he was bored.

However Asuka looked, she was not at all bored. _'Damn him. Why is it always me to start the conversations? Here he is with the most attractive female on the planet…and quite probably the only female on the planet, and the best thing that he can do is stare.'_ She sighed to herself. _'Why won't you talk to me? Am I that intimidating? What's wrong with you…or rather…what's wrong with me? Why didn't you save me Shinji?'_ It was about that time that Shinji got an idea.

"So Asuka?" He began, and sort of left it hanging. Asuka waited for something more, but after several seconds became impatient.

"What Shinji?"

"How's life treating you?" They were both silent for a moment, then Asuka burst out laughing. She was actually forced to stop and sit down, and soon Shinji had joined her. They both laughed uncontrollably for awhile before settling down to chuckles.

"Shinji?" Asuka said as she caught her breath.

"Yes?"

"Ask another question like that and I'm going to kill you." She said between chuckles. Shinji laughed nervously, uncertain whether she was serious or joking.

Around sunset, they came upon a drop in the landscape which seemed to be a man made crater. As they got closer, they were assailed with a familiar smell which Shinji found himself unable to place, however Asuka seemed to recognize it and took off at a run.

"Yes!" She cried out when she reached the edge of the drop, and Shinji followed close behind. He didn't know why, but he felt a sudden sense of relief lifted from his shoulders as he looked down upon a large lake at the bottom of the crater. The surface was like glass that reflected the colors of the sky. The purples, yellows, oranges and reds that seemed to blend perfectly in a majestic vision that he never thought he would ever be able to behold again. Asuka made her way down to the bottom as quickly as possible Shinji following slowly in tow picking up whatever she dropped along the way. When she reached the shore, she fell to her knees and began to splash the warm water on her face feeling the grime and dirt wash away. She stood up and wiped her face off on the sleeve of her jacket.

"It's not blood?" Shinji asked curiously and slightly out of breath as he slumped down at the bottom next to a rather large boulder that had found its way to the water edge.

"Nope." Asuka said happily and began to take off her load and jacket. Shinji's brow furrowed thoughtfully at that and after a little while just shrugged it off. "Shinji, I'm taking a bath." Asuka said imperiously as she had stripped down to her white T-shirt and pants.

"Okay." Was all he could think of saying in response, and he sat uncomfortably under Asuka's gaze for a little while longer before she cleared her throat and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Oh." Shinji blushed before moving to the other side of the boulder so that Asuka could have some privacy.

She stripped what was left of her clothes before stepping into the warm water. The color dissipated in ripples as she made her way further into the formed lake, taking cautious steps as not to step into any unexpected deep areas or jam her toes into any unseen rocks. When the water reached waist height, she submerged herself to her shoulders and sighed comfortably feeling her muscles relax and the filth wash from her skin. After enjoying the feeling for a little bit, she submerged her head and began to run her fingers through her hair under water trying to get out the tangles and knots as well as the LCL that she had in her hair when she woke up. It took several attempts before her hair finally seemed free of those irritants.

Shinji spent his time behind the rock sipping from his canteen and thinking. They technically only had three days of supplies left for traveling, however they were eating less than Asuka had anticipated so they had maybe a day more to their advantage. Four more days was still quite a bit of traveling time, but they were traveling in a straight line to be safe, and he wasn't sure that there was anything in their direct path from Tokyo-3. They might've passed several small towns already that they might've found if they had strayed from their path a little bit. In any case, he came to the conclusion that Asuka was right about him thinking way too much about these things. He reached down his shirt and pulled out Misato's cross. He looked at it in the palm of his hand for a little bit before placing it back down the front of his shirt.

"Whatcha doing?" Asuka said startling Shinji from his reverie. She stood a few feet from him dressed in the fatigue pants and the white T-shirt with her now wet jacket over her head. He pointed questioningly at the jacket on her head. "Had to dry off somehow." She said and took a seat next to him.

"Wanna go take a dip? You kind of need it." She said with a mock sniff if disgust.

"No thanks." He replied, "I think I'll pass."

"Come on! I promise not to peek." Asuka said as she playfully jabbed his ribs.

"Hey! Stoppit! All right, all right." He said and got up. 

A bath seemed to revive both of them as they sat and talked almost animatedly about what they were to do about their journey. Shinji made his point about the unwavering direction in which they were traveling, and Asuka countered with the dangers of getting lost and straying too far. 

"Well oh most wise and powerful Shinji," Asuka began mockingly, "Since we probably have an extra day of food, we could walk off in different directions tonight, and then when we wake up tomorrow, meet back here and report what we have seen." Shinji cringed at the idea.

"We'd be separated." He said as he shook his head.

"Poor Shinji." Asuka mocked. "Can't do anything without me to help? Come on!"

"I mean what if something were to happen to you?" Shinji countered and began another coughing fit. By now they were used to it and she waited for him to once again get it under control. "What if something were to happen to me?" Asuka sat for a little while absorbing that.

"Well," She finally began, "What do you want to do?"

"Above all," He said after some heavy thinking, "I want to stick together."

"Then we continue."

He nodded reluctantly and began to shoulder his supplies. Not a word more was spoken as they readied themselves. Once they were back on the move, their conversations once again died down. And once again time was lost to them, Asuka keeping her objective in mind and Shinji comfortably walking in silence. It wasn't long before they began to dwell on their own thoughts.

__

'Goddamnit, why doesn't he say something? Are you that uncomfortable around me Shinji? Why am I here with you? Why did you choose me? Why didn't you save me? What happened? And why the hell am I asking myself these questions. Asuka, this is getting old…stow it and concentrate. I'm kind of cold.' An involuntary shiver went through her body. Asuka's jacket still being wet was in one of her bags. Shinji had done the smarter thing and basically put his clothes on while he was still wet. Then she felt a dry jacket being draped over her shoulders. She turned to see that Shinji, who had never put his jacket back on, was now offering it to her.

"Thanks." Was all she could think to say at the moment, and was silently glad that it was too dark to see the warmth creeping up her cheeks. They paused as she dropped her things to place the jacket on, and when she was done they continued walking. Asuka forced her thoughts off the previous subject finding the conflict created by her thoughts and the situation of Shinji doing something chivalrous a bit too much to handle at the moment. Then she felt a slight tugging on her sleeve.

"What?" She asked irritably.

"Look." Shinji said urgently as he pointed in a direction slightly off course from the direction in which they were traveling. Asuka looked not seeing anything at first, then as she looked closer, her eye made out some dark shapes…and as she began to recognize what exactly that they were, her mouth hung open. They both dropped as much as they could and made a mad dash to where Shinji had been pointing. When they reached the spot, they found their emotions conflicting between joy and disappointment. What Shinji had seen was a grouping of military style tents. There was no doubt that this was a campsite for a brief period, but whomever had set up the campsite was now long gone. The place where the fire had been was cold, and the ashes caked red.

Asuka searched frantically through the tents trying to find any sign of life. When she found nothing, she stormed to the center of the camp and kicked up the remains of the fire pit screaming in frustration.

"Goddamnit!" She cried out over and over again before finally falling into a sitting position, out of breath. Then she felt another irritating tugging on her sleeve.

"What?" She asked yet again.

"Here." Shinji said and handed her a piece of paper. "I found this in one of the tents."

"There are survivors." She read aloud. The piece of paper was a mere scrap of folder paper, not larger than the palm of her hand, and the writing scrawled on it was in haphazard kanji. "Damn." She said in amazement.

"I know, I didn't think there was anyone with worse kanji than you." Shinji said earning him a swift punch on the arm. Shinji laughed in good humor as Asuka brooded.

"We missed them." She said bitterly to herself.

"At least we know that they're out there." Shinji replied a little more optimistically.

"Yeah." Asuka said her mood beginning to brighten. At least they weren't the only humans left on the earth. There are survivors.

*******

"Told you." Asuka said proudly as they looked upon a dead and only slightly damaged farmhouse. The day before had been the eighth day, and Shinji had insisted that they turn around and head back so they wouldn't have to starve for a couple of days on the way back. However, she had argued that she had a hunch that if they traveled one more day, that they would make it. And of course, it turned out that she was right, she was always right. Now dawn was upon them, and as the sun rose they examined what they had found. It was large, almost like it might've belonged to a very old and established family.

"Well, let's not stand here on ceremony, actual beds may await us." She said and imperiously began to walk toward the house. Shinji followed doggedly behind, exhausted from the night's journey. They had been moving double time to cover more ground without any breaks, and he wondered how Asuka could still have so much energy in her. The house was very traditional, made almost completely out of wood with rice paper sliding doors. Surprisingly enough to Shinji, Asuka almost gently opened up the front door and bowed before entering, remembering first to remove her boots.

"Respect for the dead." She said curtly as she caught Shinji's questioning look. The entryway was very nice. There were stairs that led to a second level of the house to the right, and it would seem that to the left of the stairway there was a hall. There was a door to either side of the entryway, one looked as though it led to the living room and the other to the dining room.

They dropped their bags in the entryway and Shinji promptly began a coughing fit. At first Asuka paid no attention, then Shinji's knees buckled and he hit the floor on all fours. She was upon him in a second lying him down upon his back, trying to keep his chest open. It had been a while since he had a coughing fit that was this severe and she was beginning to worry. Wasn't there something wrong if the coughing hadn't gone away yet? Shinji's face began to turn red and tears were streaming from his eyes, as his coughs came out dry and cracked sounding. Finally the fit began to die down and Shinji began to take grateful breaths of air as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Come one, let's get you to a bed or something." Asuka said as she helped Shinji to his feet supporting him with her left arm, and began to help him towards the stairs. She figured that if there were any decent rooms, they would be upstairs. After a difficult climb up the stairs, a hall led left or right. She randomly headed to the right and found herself looking at two pairs of sliding doors, one on either side of the hall. She opened the one on the left with her free arm and found it to be in surprisingly good condition. An olden style futon lay on the floor and she as carefully as possible lay Shinji down upon it.

"I can take care of myself now." Shinji managed to say in a soft, cracked voice.

"Yeah right." She said with a small smile. "Who're you trying to impress?" She searched the room until she found a suitable pillow, which happened to be chair cushion detached from a chair, to place under Shinji's head.

"Sleep. You need it." But Shinji was asleep before she finished. "Idiot." She said and sat gazing upon him, his well defined, handsome features. Asuka left the room and entered the one across the hall to find a similarly situated bedroom. Within moments of lying down, she too was asleep.

*******

Shinji woke up to find it dark. He sat up and stretched feeling every muscle in his body burn and ache from the exertions of traveling by foot for over a week. He yawned, and felt a stabbing pain in his chest. Tears of pain filled his vision and he clutched at his chest, feeling the pain slowly go away. After wiping away his tears, he ventured a few deep breaths to see if it the pain would become regular and found, to his relief, that it wasn't.

He looked around, finding himself in a bedroom. For a moment, he was disoriented and confused, he didn't know where he was or how he got there, the last thing that came to mind at that moment being that they were traveling an extra day. However, it only lasted for a little while, as the memories painfully came back to him in the form of a mild throbbing headache that made itself known as he swiveled his head to look at the room too quickly. 

The room in itself was relatively plain, there was a desk in the far-left corner of the room facing the door along with a chair that had no cushion. After little while, he realized that he had been using the chair's cushion as a pillow. There were several small windows in the far wall of the room letting in the soft luminescence of the moon, one of the windows being situated just above the desk. There was older style painting of a great battle from before the Meiji era on the left wall of the room. Above that painting were swords on a display piece, a katana, a wakizashi and a tanbo in descending order from top to bottom. Above the head of the bed, there was a framed piece of cloth with the kanji character for 'perseverance'.

Shinji slowly got up from the bed not wanting to provoke another headache, and stepped out of the room and made his way down the hall. As he reached the stairs that led to the entryway, he paused and used one arm to support himself on the handrail.

"Asuka?" He called down in a weak cracked voice. He cleared his throat and made a better attempt, but still received no response. Then a thought struck Shinji that made him feel like an idiot. If Asuka had taken him to the room he had woken up in, maybe she was in the room across from his. So he made his way back down the hall thinking that the creaking of the floorboards might actually be the sounds of his joints and muscles.

Shinji opened the door to the room across from his, and found Asuka sleeping semi peacefully. Well maybe sleep wasn't a proper term, slumber, he thought, would probably more appropriate. Her head was resting on her left arm, her mouth open and a stream of drool making its way down the side of her arm forming a small wet spot on the sheets of the futon. He couldn't help but smile at the sight. 

It seemed that her room was almost a mirror image of his room. There was less light in her room because of the angle of the moon in the sky, but he could still make out the similar furniture. Still, there was enough light to make out all the wonderful definitions of her features. Despite what they had been through, her milk white eye and her scarred arm, she was still very beautiful. He thought of letting her sleep, but he really didn't know where Asuka had left everything and for some odd reason, he was very uncomfortable moving through this house in which the atmosphere made it feel like there were still others living there.

He shook her gently and got some soft mutterings that he couldn't make out. He added a bit more strength to his shaking and she shot straight up giving him a spook, toppling him onto his butt. She seemed to be sleeping in a sitting position until her arm moved up and wiped the drool from her mouth before moving to wiping the crust from her eyes.

"Shinji…" She began slowly as she turned to look at him. "I can't feel my arm."

"You were…um…sleeping on it." Asuka didn't seem to register that at first then she just nodded.

"Help me up." She said tiredly and Shinji obliged, helping her to her feet. They both tiredly made their way downstairs, still semi-asleep and not fully aware of their surroundings. Asuka stumbled on the stairs a couple times, but caught herself before she could take any bad spills. Once she reached the bottom, she almost immediately fell over their bags that they had left in the entryway. Shinji helped her into a sitting position and began to rummage around the bags.

"Did we pack any pain killers?" Asuka half asked, half groaned. Shinji didn't bother answering, knowing that her question was rhetorical in nature. He eventually found what he was looking for, which was the portable stove that he had decided to take along. He turned on the stove and the flames cast a little light in the almost pitch-black entryway. Feeling the need for more light, he stood up and opened the front door in order to let in some of the light from the outside, however even that didn't offer much improvement.

Shinji sat down across from Asuka who was slowly chewing on some dried beef. When she noticed that he had returned she held out the bag of dried meat, offering some to him. He took it and pulled a few pieces from it before handing it back to her. As began to eat, he rifled through his bag to search for other food items. He took out a bag of bread and pulled some for himself. He was about to take a bite out of one when he noticed something in the light of the fire. There was a small patch of green on the bread, and the longer he stared at it the more excited he grew.

"Asuka." He said in hushed voice. "Come look at this." He said as she looked at him curiously. She grunted irritably as she got up and moved over to where he sat, it took some time for her eye to adjust, but when it did, her sleepiness vanished.

"Looks like humans aren't the only survivors." She said softly in awe. "Well, are we gonna sit here all night? Let's take a walk." She continued and grimaced as she brought herself into a full standing position.

"W-walk? W-where?" Shinji stammered in semi-confusion. "I thought we'd stay here for a little while, to…to…rest…you know, I mean…"

"Quiet Third Child, your whining is giving me a headache." Asuka growled, silencing immediately. "And leave everything behind. We're not leaving this place, just walking." 

They stepped out the front door and walked around the side of the large house and to their surprise, saw a pair of trees situated just behind the house. They were, of course bare with a few broken branches, but they were standing and they definitely were not dry and cracked. Asuka examined the trees for a little bit before noting a path leading away from the house. 

The two walked in silence down the path, both of their muscles protesting every step. Asuka had a slight limp in her left leg, and Shinji walked a little stiffly from his muscles tensing up. This time the silence that had fallen between them was not uncomfortable. Each knew that the other was lost in their thoughts, and were content to dwell there undisturbed.

"It's been a while since I've really taken time to look at the stars." Shinji said derailing Asuka's train of thought.

"Now what are you going on about Third?"

"It must've been since before the 13th…I stood out on the balcony and looked up at the sky, seemingly empty and full at the same time." He continued without acknowledging her, reminiscing in a dreamy sort of voice, and for a little bit, Asuka was unsure whether he was talking to her or unconsciously talking to himself. "For some reason it put me at ease, you know? Which way?" The last question was in reference to the fork that they had come across.

"Right." Asuka said and they continued down the path toward a slope downhill. 

"Weren't those the good days?" Shinji asked after a little while. She turned to see if he was asking to her, and found him smiling softly and staring upward.

"Well," She began, thinking it best to answer him whether he wanted one or not, "I don't know what you're thinking about, but as I recall things were pretty screwed up." 

"Compared to things now?" Shinji asked finally looking directly at her.

"I rather not compare."

"Why not?"

"Because 'now' hasn't been defined yet." He nodded at this explanation. When they reached the slope, they were able to make out a small town in the distance, dead, but at least the buildings still seemed to stand. "Well, we know what's down this way. Let's try the other path."

Once again, silence lapsed and they made their back down to the fork and began to follow the other branch. It was rather winding, and took them over some small hills, but eventually they found the path led them past some barren fields. The soil was upturned, like it was ready for farming but nothing was growing.

Asuka stepped out into the middle of one of these fields and took a hand full of the soil and began to let it sift through her fingers. She held what she had left in her hand to her face and seemed to inhale deeply before letting it fall to the ground. She dusted her hand off on her pants as she walked back toward the path.

"So…" Shinji said curiously waiting for Asuka to give an explanation for her behavior. She was silent for a little while, her gaze upon the ground and her lips moving as she held a soundless conversation with herself.

"The soil is soft, and it smelled fresh." She finally said looking up.

"So…" Shinji began again after Asuka failed to elaborate on her discovery. She sighed with exasperation, as if the answer were obvious to anyone with a working brain.

"It means that the blood has dried up and gone away. If we wanted to, we could plant something."

"When you say, we could…do you mean…"

"We will." Shinji smiled at the answer. It wasn't 'We will try', it was simply 'We will', without hesitation. It was Asuka being Asuka, confident and self-assured that she could do whatever she set her mind to.

"So…um…what will we plant?" He asked as an attempt to start a conversation.

"I dunno." She replied with a shrug. "I guess whatever we can find back at the house, or in town. I'm sure we could find something in town."

"Carrots?" He suggested. This warranted another shrug from Asuka. "Maybe cabbage, or lettuce." Suddenly, and image of Kaji flashed in his mind. "Maybe…watermelons."

"Whatever we can get our hands on okay?" She said impatiently.

"Sorry." Shinji said reflexively and flushed red. He expected another reprimand from Asuka for apologizing, but received none. Slowly, he let his guard down and was silent for the rest of the trip.

As they approached the house, the sun began to rise coloring the landscape. They unconsciously slowed their pace as something registered. There was color…the trees were light brown, the dirt was dark brown instead of red and there was some green around the house. Asuka ran toward the house Shinji close behind and she fell to her knees and pulled a strand of grass from the ground. A smile spread across their faces and Asuka began to giggle.

"Shinji, Shinji, look!" She said excitedly to him as she ran her hands over the scattered blades of greenery. She felt a light tapping on her shoulder and she turned to see Shinji pointing off in the distance of the hills that the left fork had taken them through. There, she could see small, dispersed patches of the same greenery on the landscape. They both stood admiring everything before them. It was as if everything had sprouted up overnight, and right under their noses. Why they hadn't noticed was a mystery to both of them, but they didn't exactly care either at that point.

"Hey Third."

"Hm?" Shinji replied.

"Nice place you have here."

"Um…thanks." He blushed and found himself at a loss of words.

"Let's go inside and get something to eat." Asuka said after a pause. "We've been walking all night and I'm starved." Shinji followed, looking back frequently as they made their way back toward the front of the house. "Then we can talk about what we're going to plant."

*******

They had been at the house for five days before they finally made the trip to town. They had emptied out the bags which they had carried their supplies with the intent to use carry everything they needed from the town back to the house. Now they were wandering the streets, quite lost. Empty cars littered the streets, and dead buildings lined the sidewalks. It was almost as if people were going around doing their daily business, when they all of a sudden disappeared. On top of it all, everything seemed to take on a dull tan shade, making everything seem that much more desolate.

"Why are we looking for a clothes store?" Shinji asked curiously.

"Idiot, because I want something better to wear than fatigues. Besides, these are starting to smell." She explained.

"Oh." Was all he said in response, and she rolled her eyes.

"Are you planning to wear those forever?"

"No."

"All right then."

"Well, there's a grocery store." Shinji pointed down a street as they reached an intersection. Asuka had made it a point to keep a conversation going at all times in case someone was alive and would hear them. No such luck so far, and both were getting a feeling that it was pointless. As Asuka pointed out earlier, they were like Hansel and Gretal wandering the woods. Shinji was unfamiliar with what she was talking about, but nodded like he understood.

Upon entering the store, they found that, like their new home, it was in relatively good shape. There were a couple aisles that had shelves knocked over, but other than that, it was very much like a grocery store. There were carts at the cash registers and amongst the aisles, all more or less filled with groceries.

Asuka wrinkled her nose as they walked down the first aisle they came to. "Looks like the refrigeration isn't exactly working." She said and pulled a wry face. "How disappointing. I was hoping for that we might find something with some substance." Shinji began pulling cans of processed meat off the shelves and putting it in his bag, and Asuka began doing the same.

They worked their way up and down the aisles carrying on idle conversations about nothing in particular, just to lighten the mood.

"I never thought I'd ever see myself eating this crap."

"Well, it's better than nothing at all I guess."

"At least with your little stove, we can cook it."

"Yeah, could you grab that pan? No, the one to the left of that one. Yeah, and could you get the pot too? Thanks."

"Look at what this person was shopping for. Whoever it was either enormous or pregnant."

"Probably both. Hot chocolate or coffee?"

"Both. I'm grabbing some paper plates and picnic ware."

"Non dairy cream?"

"Why not…and what the hell is that smell?!"

"What?"

"That reeks!"

"Oh, yeah, I think we're getting nearer to the produce section."

"Well, let's not get any closer than necessary, okay?"

"Do you think we'll need more bottled water?"

"The house has running water."

"But this is cleaner. We don't know if the filters are working."

"Fine, fine."

They sat outside of the store for a little bit when they were done, taking a breather and thinking about what to do. Shinji sat in the shade with his eyes closed while Asuka sat on the curb munching on a half melted chocolate bar and drinking a bottle of warm soda.

"We should be heading back now, the sun is setting." Shinji said without opening his eyes. Asuka didn't respond with only stared at the sun descending behind the buildings. "Asuka?" He called out curiously as he cracked on eye open. "Should we get going now?" Asuka ate the rest of the chocolate and drank the last of the soda before standing up and stretching.

"Nah, we're staying the night." She said through a half yawn.

"What?" Shinji asked incredulously.

"What's the matter Third Child? Scared?" She taunted mischievously.

"N-no! But why would we stay out here? We don't have to find everything today do we? We can always come back." One of Asuka's eyebrows peaked curiously before she walked right up to Shinji and flicked his forehead. "Ow!"

"Did you forget, oh wise one, that we are lost?" He blushed as he rubbed the sore spot on his forehead.

"Still…" He said and let it trail off.

"That's what I thought, so let's go find that clothing store." She said and began to pick up her things.

"W-wait! Shouldn't we, um, look for someplace to sleep first?" Shinji said as he fumbled with his bags.

"We can sleep in the store." 

"B-but…blankets…"

"Use the clothes in the store. Sometimes Shinji, I wonder if you think at all."

Shinji sighed in exasperation and followed Asuka as she continued down the empty streets.

*******

"Happy with what you got?" Shinji asked as he pulled a coat over himself.

"Of course. And you?" Shinji nodded and smiled. They had eventually found a clothing store, but before that, they had come across a hardware and garden outlet. Shinji had selected several packets of watermelon seeds for planting in the fields that they had come across. Granted, he knew nothing of plants, farming or gardening, he was going to give it a shot. Asuka didn't seem as interested in planting something as before, heading instead toward the hardware section and finding themselves some flashlights and batteries.

Many long hours after dark, they had found Asuka's store. It was a designer clothing store in a shopping center. She had quickly picked out shirts, pants, shorts, and shoes for herself, then when she was done, did the same for Shinji.

"How are we going to carry it all?" Shinji asked as he lay back, resting his head on some piled clothes that he was using as a pillow.

"We stuff it in the bags." She said and lay back as well. "Then tomorrow, we find our way back."

*******

"I don't even know if I did this correctly." Shinji said as he looked upon the large patch of ground in which he had planted the watermelon seeds.

"Well, it looks right." Asuka commented then shrugged. "If it doesn't work, no biggie. I got you more seeds from town today." Shinji frowned as he wiped his hands on his fatigue pants. He eyed the moist patch of ground before sighing and picking up his gardening tools. 

The setting sun cast a beautiful red glow upon the sky. Some clouds on the horizon were a soft strawberry pink that reminded Asuka of fairs that she had gone to during her stay in America. She briefly wondered what had happened to the rest of the world, then that lead her thoughts to the abandoned campsite that they had seen, finally her thoughts turned to the incident several days ago.

They had spent another day trying to find a way out of the town. They had forgotten to take the compass with them when they went into the town, thus making their journey out of the town much more difficult than the journey in. When they had finally returned at the end of the third day, they found something very peculiar about the house. All the doors of the house had been open, and Asuka had quickly rushed inside to see if anyone was there. Shinji followed close behind and together, they searched the house from top to bottom, not leaving any stone unturned. They just about gave up when once again, Shinji found a torn piece of paper with scribbled hiragana on it that read "Where are you?". Asuka threw a terrible fit, cursing and shouting, blaming it all on Shinji and him forgetting the compass. She then packed a bunch of supplies and promptly set out that evening determined to find the phantom survivors that constantly seemed to evade them. She was gone for two days before returning in a downcast, but not quite so angry mood. Since then, she made daily trips into the city and the surrounding countryside looking for clues as to where they could have gone. 

In silence, the two made their way back to the house. Shinji dropped his gardening tools outside the house and stifled a cough as he untied his boots. He found that Asuka was becoming increasingly concerned with his ailment, which he paid no attention to. It had been a while since his last serious episode and figured it to be something minor that would eventually go away. 

"I'm going to take a shower!" Shinji called to Asuka as he made his way to the bathroom. As he showered, she boiled some water on his stove and added a couple cans of condensed soup to it. When it was done heating, she poured it into two cups, leaving one near the stove for Shinji. She walked into the living room, turning on the portable lamp that sat on the coffee table. She had picked up the lamp on one of her trips into the town, and she looked at the scrap of paper that had been found in the house the day they had returned from their expedition.

"Where are you?" Asuka said to herself as she stared at it. "Very good question…where the fuck are you? Why couldn't you have stuck around?" She crumpled up the scrap of paper and threw it into a corner of the room. She tiredly ran her free hand through her hair and sipped at her soup. As she leaned back in her chair, her gaze drifted to the scrap of paper that lay still within her sight. After a while, she let out an exasperated sigh, put her cup on the coffee table, stood up, walked over the scrap of paper and picked it up. When she sat back down, she opened it up and placed it flat on the table. Asuka seemed to be studying it intently as she massaged the sinuses just above her eyes. 

"What are you doing?" Shinji asked curiously from the doorway of the living room. He was drinking the soup that Asuka had left for him. "And thank you." He said and slightly raised his cup. 

"Nothing." She said and took a deep drink from her cup.

"Give it a rest. So we missed them. They're bound to come back around. At least we know that they know that we're here." He shrugged and relaxed in a chair across from Asuka.

"But we were so close!" She cried out in frustration as she banged her cup on the table, causing what contents were left in the cup to jump out onto the tabletop. "Days Shinji! Just days! Who knows? Maybe even hours!" She held her thumb and forefinger close together to illustrate her point. "That much! Damn it!"

"Asuka, it'll be okay. We won't be out here forever. They'll keep looking cause they know that we're around." Shinji said soothingly. "Stop overexerting yourself. They'll find us when they find us." Asuka sighed and closed her eyes.

"I guess." Was all she said. They both sat that way for a while.

"You know, its funny. All we have are each other and we can't find anything to talk about." Shinji said and chuckled softly.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?" Asuka grunted.

"No, no. Not at all."

"Then what are you complaining about?"

"I'm not complaining. Just making an observation."

"Get me back to some civilization and then I'll talk till your ears fall off." Asuka said and smiled. After some chuckling, silence once again returned to the room.

"Shinji?" Asuka finally broke the silence.

"Hmm?"

"I want to ask you something…something that's been bothering me for a while…and is probably going to make you uncomfortable." Shinji tensed up.

"What's that?"

"I need to know." She said as she opened her eyes. "I need to know…why didn't you…didn't you…" Asuka shifted her gaze uncomfortably to the ceiling. "Why…didn't you save me?" Her gaze settled back on Shinji, and instead of seeing him fidget or looking at the floor uncomfortably, he relaxed in his chair, closed his eyes. It seemed like an eternity, and she was about to repeat her question when he spoke.

"I was scared." He said simply. Asuka found herself unable to speak. That was an answer that she didn't expect, and before she could say anything in response, he continued. "When the alarms went off, I hid. I didn't know what was going on. I can't exactly remember what I was thinking…" Shinji opened his eyes. "But…I remember, not really caring if I lived or died. Its funny…I was scared…and at the same time, the outcome meant nothing to me. Eventually they found me, and as the gun was placed against my head, I remember thinking to myself, 'I hope this doesn't hurt'." He once again closed his eyes. Asuka's features had reverted to neutrality, instead slowly taking in everything Shinji was telling her.

"Misato saved me, and instead of feeling relief, I felt dread. She kept telling me that I needed to pilot to save you…but…it didn't register…all I could think about was you…and…how much…" Shinji had up until this point been calm and cool with his recollection. Now his features contorted as if he were trying to remember something important. "I needed you." Shinji paused after this. Asuka's face remained neutral. "She died to get me to eva, so I could pilot…to save you. When I got there, I found eva covered in bakelite…and I didn't know what to do. I suppose I could've tried to get into the plug, to figure something out, but…I didn't even try. I sat there, listening to everything that was happening, wanting to make it all go away, afraid that I would screw up somehow, that I might things worse. I wanted to make it all disappear. But it wouldn't, and when I was given the choice to make things as I saw fit…I didn't think about anyone else, I thought about me. And I guess I was still stuck on needing you to feel alive…and I guess that's why you came back with me." Shinji opened his eyes.

Asuka stared at him, slowly and carefully digesting everything that he said. Then she stood up and left the room. Shinji watched her go, then as he heard her bedroom door upstairs shut, he reached forward, drank what was left of his now cold soup, turned off the lamp and closed his eyes. He slept his first peaceful sleep in a long time.

*******

Shinji pulled the troublesome weeds from the ground and wiped his brow clean of sweat. His watermelons had begun to sprout and since he had seen the first, he had been taking special care of his patch. Since the night that he had explained to her the occurrences of the day of Third Impact, she had been avoiding him. He had seen only glimpses of her, usually just as he got back from a day of tending his patch, she would be heading up to her room with some food, looking like she had just gotten out of a the shower. Surprisingly enough to him, this turn of events didn't bother him. He had answered her question and any other questions she had, truthfully. Shinji's thoughts were interrupted by a shadow that appeared above him.

"Need any help?" Asuka asked as she bent down and began pulling weeds too.

"Look out for those. Those are the watermelon sprouts." Shinji said as he pointed to one. She nodded without looking at him and continued to pull weeds. He hid his surprise at her appearance, and continued to work as if nothing had happened, since it seemed that Asuka was going to do the same. He was wrong on that part.

"You left me out there cause you were too scared and self centered to think about anyone else but you." She said sharply.

"But I was…"

"Shut up." She cut him off. "It doesn't matter that you were thinking about me, you were thinking that you needed me to survive. You weren't thinking about how I was doing, how I was going to survive, how I got out of my coma, how I might've felt waiting for you to come to my aid as a fellow pilot." There was a pause. Not once had they stopped working as Asuka spoke. "I had faith in you Shinji. Deep down, I had this feeling that you would come in like the knight that everyone made you out to be, to help me take down the other evas, to pull a victory where there was none. Which was why I was so confused and angry when I saw the lance strike my AT field. It was then that I realized that you weren't coming." Asuka stopped, stood up and stretched her back out. Shinji did the same, then saw Asuka eyeing him up and down critically. "Now I have a blind eye and an arm that constantly hurts, even worse when I'm lifting heavy objects and when it's cold. So what do you have to say for yourself?" Shinji seemed to think for a moment.

"I'm pathetic."

"Fucking right."

"And all of this happened because of me…I guess, because instead of making a decision, I made none and let it pass me by." Shinji shrugged his shoulders, and then smiled. Asuka studied him and Shinji's smile slowly faded.

"I can't trust you. If I couldn't trust you to back me up on the field, I don't think I can trust you now, when all we have are each other." Shinji's expression remained unchanged, but his heart rate was slowly increasing. "I think I'm going to leave. To go on my own, I just thought I'd tell you that." She said and brushed past Shinji. His gaze fell to the ground, and he felt his heart sink. Out of all the outcomes that he could think of, this was the worst. "Unless you can make me a promise that you will lay your life on." Shinji turned abruptly.

"Wha?"

"I want you to promise on your life," She started to walk back towards him. "On Misato's grave, even on the memory of your mother, I want you to promise me that you'll never leave me like that again. And if you do, you'll never see me again…ever." She punctuated the last part forcefully.

"I promise." Shinji heard himself saying without even thinking about it.

"Good." She said and her features softened. She turned to look upon the patch of ground that they had been working on. "Pretty good Shinji. Looks like you're good for something other than eva piloting." He found that his head was spinning from their recent confrontation, but told himself that it would be easier just to remember his promise, and dismiss the rest.

"Well, it's gonna take some work. But hopefully it'll turn out okay." He said and admired his own work. He noticed a few small patches of weeds that he missed and he carefully walked over and pulled them.

"I'm looking forward to eating some fresh watermelon. So we better take good care."

"We?" Shinji asked with a smirk.

"Yes we. You're going to help me plant some roses around the house, and I'll help you with your watermelon patch." 

"Sounds like a plan." He said with a smile. They watered the watermelon patch, and Shinji stifled a cough.

*******

"You know, if I had offered to carry your bags, you would've told me that you weren't a wimp." Shinji complained as he shouldered an extra two bags of food.

"Then let it be a lesson to you. Be more chivalrous." Asuka replied smugly as they made their way down the streets of the town. Trips to the town to restock their food supplies had become routine events. It took no longer than half a day since by this time, Asuka knew all the back roads and alleys that would take them right back to the main road that led them back to their house.

"All right. Break, break." Shinji said and collapsed on the curb of the sidewalk breathing heavily.

"You're getting soft Third." Asuka shook her head with mock disappointment. "We were carrying almost twice the weight load when we left Tokyo-3."

"Yeah, yeah, make fun of me. I just might decide to keep those watermelons to myself." He said in response as he caught his breath. Asuka laughed and began to walk ahead. She felt something causing her shoe to stick to the ground. She paused and looked at the bottom of her shoe and found a thick wad of gum had gotten stuck there.

"Inconsiderate." She said under her breath in irritation and attempted to pull it off, only succeeding in getting it on her fingers as well. She tossed what she had gotten off to the side and walked back to where Shinji sat. 

"Hey, do you have something to get this shit off the bottom of my shoe?" She asked as she took a seat next to him. He looked at her questioningly and searched through his pockets till he found a small knife that he kept handy. 

Asuka cursed under her breath as she began to work at getting the gum off the bottom of her shoe. After a few moments, her efforts began to slow, until she was just staring at the gum on her shoe.

"Um…Asuka?" Shinji asked curiously. Then her eyes went wide and she was up and retracing her steps down the sidewalk, her eyes to the ground. "A-Asuka?" Shinji called after her nervously and began to follow. Eventually she found the gum spot on the sidewalk with its sticky trails stretched out in the direction that Asuka had been walking.

She frantically looked around and found that the sidewalk was right alongside a gas station. She sprinted to the convenience store and flung open the front doors. She searched throughout the entire store and found nothing out of the ordinary.

"Asuka! Hold on!" Shinji called after her between breaths. Asuka didn't stop, instead, she dashed out the back door of the store and saw an auto mechanic's garage. Her eye scanned the ground, going over every inch when it fell upon a cigarette butt. She picked it up as it was still in tact, and felt the warmth that still came from it. She threw it back down on the ground and ran into the garage. In the far corner she spotted small heap of discarded food wrappers.

"Asuka! Please…wait…" Shinji pleaded as he caught up, keeled over and began to heave and cough. Asuka rushed out of the garage gave the area a brief second look before running back through the convenience store and out onto the sidewalk. Once again, she stopped at the spot of gum. She looked up and down the street and began a dash in the direction in which they had already been headed. Her only eye scanned the sidewalk, missing nothing. After running for several blocks straight, she stopped and began to think.

She assumed that the people she was trying to track down right now were the same people that they had always been just a day late and a dollar short at running into. Then again if there were survivors like them, there could be other survivors passing through, as it seems to be in small groups. But all instincts told her that it was the same group of people they had been trying to find for the longest time. Still…how could she know in what direction they were headed? She had been running in this direction for a while, and if she hadn't found them thus far, they probably went in another direction. Well, they definitely hadn't gone in the direction in whence she and Shinji came. Then there was also the probability that they weren't going on straight paths, and maybe they turned down some streets. 

At this point Asuka stopped trying to figure it out, and instead let out a scream of aggravation and sat down the curb. Tears stung at her eyes as she cursed whatever it was that seemed to be mocking her efforts at trying to find others and perhaps even civilization. 

"Asuka." She heard heavy breathing behind her. "You missed this." Shinji sat down tiredly next to her and began coughing. In his hand, he held a small composition notebook. She took it from him and opened it up. It seemed to be a journal from the dates that appeared before every entry. She confirmed that it was a journal as she briefly scanned the entries, however there was so much Kanji that she didn't know, she could only read small parts that made no sense without the rest.

"I can't read this." She said irately as she tossed it back at Shinji. He grimaced as he picked up the book and took deep breaths to make sure that his coughing was under control. He opened the book to its latest entry, scanned it, and when he found the part that he wanted, he began to read.

"We have been wandering the city for days, and Naosuke has deemed it time to move on. After lunch, we will head east." Shinji finished and closed the book and Asuka looked at him open-mouthed. "I guess since you think we just missed them, they're probably headed that way. If we move quickly we can try and catch them as they exit city." Then Shinji gave a yelp of surprise as Asuka wrapped her arms around him in a giant hug.

"Let's go!" She said excitedly as she stood up and offered Shinji a hand. She pulled him to his feet and smiled at the blush on his face.

"It…it…um…wasn't much you know…I think he just sort of forgot it…"

"Whatever, let's get on of our bags and start from the gas station." She started to sprint when she remembered Shinji and slowed down to a jog. After grabbing a single bag that they agreed to switch off carrying at random intervals and began to head toward the eastern side of the city.

"Do you know where we're going?" Shinji asked as they started off at a trot.

"Yeah, this is a town. There are only a few ways in and a few ways out. I think I know where they might be headed. This way is shorter." She said as she made a left turn down an alley behind a theatre.

Shinji felt something. Asuka didn't seem to notice, but this feeling was something that he had gotten used to growing up and living in Japan. It was very faint at first, and would remain faint for only a few seconds. When the realization hit him, he only had time to shout out a short warning.

"Earthquake!" He yelled and dashed out of the alley just as the ground began to shake violently, the surrounding buildings began emanating a dull roar. He tripped and stumbled at the curb and heard Asuka give out a frightened yell and a curse.

"Shit! Shinji! I'm hurt!" Shinji tried to stand but he couldn't regain his balance. He threw the bag off his shoulder and began to try and crawl back toward the alley. Then a sick cracking noise, like a branch braking off a tree, sounded from the frame of the theatre and pieces of the structure began to fall haphazardly.

"Shinji! Help!" Asuka cried out in a frantic voice. Shinji was about to call to her when a large piece of the theatre fell onto his right shoulder. The sound of a wine bottle being uncorked was heard, and Shinji let out a scream as pain exploded at the point of impact. When he opened his eyes, color flashed in front on them, and he slowly grit his teeth as he once again went on hands and knees, but cried out when pressure was put on his right shoulder. The ground continued to shake mercilessly, and there was a large crunching sound and followed by Asuka screaming.

"Asuka!" Shinji cried as he forced himself to his feat and began a haphazard run into the alley. Her scream was abruptly cut off and as Shinji's view focused for a brief second, he saw a cloud of dust being kicked up from where Asuka should have been, and through that dust, a large heap of cracked stones. Panic flooded his senses just before he lost balance and was flung violently against the wall of the theatre. There was another sick popping sound as his right shoulder was the first thing to make contact with the wall, and colored spots danced before his eyes just before he blacked out.

*******

Shinji opened his eyes, to find a dull, throbbing pain originating from his shoulder. The memories came back to him in small chunks. Starting from the moment they entered the town to gather more supplies to the most recent event. Then a phantom of Asuka's scream echoed in his mind and his eyes shot open. Despite the painful protest from his right shoulder, he brought himself to his feet quickly. It seemed that anymore falling debris had fallen around him, rather than on him, and the theatre looked as though giant rats burrowed holes into its walls. He quickly looked to the sky to see how much time had passed. When the earthquake started, he estimated that it was just after noon. He saw that it hadn't shifted much from the last position that he remembered, and he breathed a short sigh of relief at that.

"Asuka…Asuka!" He cried out and ran toward the large pile of debris and saw her half out from under it, and seemingly unconscious. The scar on her arm that had healed was open again, bleeding, but not profusely. She was covered with a thick layer of gray dust, discoloring all of her other features. As he got closer, he couldn't see if she was breathing or not, his already fast heart rate became faster. He rushed over to her and began pulling the debris off her. Pain constantly shot through his shoulder, tears caused by worry and pain coursed down his face, but he didn't stop until he could pull her out from under the debris.

Shinji sobbed and fell to his knees, cradling her in his arms. He could feel her breathing slightly and he held her close, weeping. He couldn't believe he left her again…again he was too late…any damage that could've been done was done, and all he could do was hope.

"That's enough you cry baby." He heard Asuka's voice say suddenly. He gently released her and she pushed herself into a sitting position. "I feel like shit."

"You look like shit." Shinji said and wiped away his tears.

"Very funny." She said as he helped her to her feet. "My left ankle is either sprained or broken." She informed him as she supported herself on his right shoulder. He gritted his teeth in pain and they both limped out of the alley. "Something hurting you?"

"My shoulder…I think I dislocated it."

"What?!"

"Then I relocated it. Still hurts." He pushed the pain out of his mind and set himself to getting Asuka back to the local grocery store as safely as possible.

"Then what are you doing holding me up with that one?"

"Cause your other arm is hurt worse than my shoulder." Asuka was about to protest this but Shinji flashed her a look that surprisingly to her, stopped her short. Pain and concentration kept both of them silent as they made their way back to the store. When they finally arrived, they found it in a complete mess. All things that had previously been on shelves were on the floor, and the shelves themselves were tipped at odd angles. The first thing Shinji did was wash off her bad arm, apply antibiotics and wrap it in bandages. After making sure that she was comfortable and out of the way of anything that could fall, he left to find the supply bag that he had with him when the earthquake started. When he found it, he pulled the journal they had found from it and took it back to the store where Asuka sat. Shinji timidly took a seat next to her in a check out aisle, trying to avoid her gaze.

"Just when it healed." She said in an exasperated tone as she looked at her bandaged arm.

"Sorry." Shinji said softly. Since he had dragged Asuka out from the debris, a leaden weight sat on his soul. He felt like he had let her down. At the same time he felt that he should never leave her, to make sure that whatever injuries she had sustained she would recover from.

"Why are you sorry?" She asked slowly.

"I left you again…because I was scared…" As he spoke about it, tears of shame found their way to his eyes. He clenched them shut in an effort to force them back, but they made themselves known anyway.

"What would you have done if you had stayed?"

"I would've been there to help you…" He choked out. "If you hurt yourself, I would've been there…"

"To do what? Get trapped with me?"

"To help…"

"You couldn't even stand, and you were unhurt. How could you have helped me?" Shinji was silent as tears coursed down his face and his hands clenched and unclenched. "I was crawling, and I still got hit. If you had been there, we could've been going slower, and we both could've ended up there. Shinji…" She said as she placed a hand pleadingly on his shoulder. "If you had been there…we both would be stuck, or injured. Then we would've had little or no chance of getting out." She let her arm encircle his shoulders.

"But I broke my promise." Shinji said softly. "So…I'll help you until you're better…then you can leave."

"I'm not going anywhere Shinji." His gaze slowly lifted so that he could see her face, and he saw that tears were also running down her face.

"But…"

"I lied." She said quickly. "I…I…need…" She stuttered. "I…what?" The ground began to shake again and her eyes went wide. Shinji felt her arm around his shoulders tighten considerably causing him to wince. Some shelves that were tilted at precarious positions finally fell causing loud crashing sounds, and as quickly as it started, it stopped.

"Aftershocks." Shinji said with a small smile. Asuka's hold on his shoulders loosened and she relaxed. After wiping his eyes, Shinji got to his feet and dusted himself off.

"Well," Asuka began as she too wiped her eyes, "Let's get back home. We should get there just after dark if we start now." With that, Shinji supported her with his bad shoulder and they began a slow trek back home.

*******

"We'll be chasing them until the end of time, I swear." Asuka said in a disappointed tone as they entered the house. The moon shone bright outside in a cloudless sky, allowing the stars to appear as well. Their trip back to the house was relatively without trouble. There were a few more aftershocks, but nothing major. The topic of discussion from the time they left the city to present was how they had missed the other survivors.

"They'll find us. They were probably held up by the earthquake as well." Shinji said for what he felt was the millionth time.

"Still…" Asuka continued to brood. Shinji helped Asuka to the shower where she insisted that he leave her be so that she could shower with some privacy. Hesitantly, Shinji left and went outside. He stared out at the expanse before him. Grass completely covered the ground with the exception of a few bald spots, and Asuka's rose plants were growing nicely with buds already appearing. His watermelons were now almost ripe, and the trees around the house were growing their leaves back. Despite the day's events, as Shinji gazed upon it all, illuminated by the moon's light, he couldn't help but smile.

He walked back into the house and prepared something for Asuka to eat from what little they had. Asuka finally called him to the bathroom, and with him he brought some of her clothes. The best thing that they had to wash their clothes with was a wash basin with a washboard that they found in the shed. Thusly, most of their clothes weren't exactly clean most of the time.

After Asuka dressed herself, Shinji found some bandages that were left over from when they first arrived at the house, and dressed her arm. After helping Asuka up to her room, he brought her the meager meal that he had prepared.

"Not much, but you know…" He trailed off.

"You could always do a lot with nothing, couldn't you?" She asked amused as she began to eat.

"Well, we did live with Misato." They both chuckled. "Do you think you can make it downstairs by yourself if you had to?"

"It's only a sprained ankle, it's feeling better already. I have a worse pains in my chest and stomach." She dismissed it nonchalantly.

"In your chest and stomach?" Shinji frowned.

"It's nothing. Bruises probably. Why?"

"Well, if you're set, I'm going back into town." He said and stood up.

"Tonight?" Asuka asked incredulously.

"I can still catch up to them if I run. I'll take the compass and a lantern and make my way back to the gas station, then use the compass to find my way to the eastern part…"

"Bullshit, you could barely run today without having one of your fits." She countered forcefully.

"I can."

"You don't have to do this for me. We'll have another chance."

"Look how long it was since the last time. Can you wait that long?"

"I can." She said softly. Shinji shook his head and turned to leave the room. "Don't leave me Shinji." Asuka's plea stopped Shinji, and he turned. "Please don't leave me."

"If you…really don't want me to…" He said uncertainly.

"Please…" Shinji couldn't see her face, but he had a feeling that she was crying.

"Then, I'm going to get something to eat, and go to bed. If you need me…"

"How do I know that you won't go?" She said as if she were a small girl.

"I…um…"

"Stay here with me…please…for tonight." Shinji didn't know what to do, but finally decided that it would be best if he did as she asked.

"I'll be right here by the door, okay?" He said and sat down.

"Okay." Shinji then lay on his back, gently massaging his right shoulder. After a little while, he heard a light snoring. For the second time that night, he couldn't help but smile. And then he heard cicadas.

*******

"Need help?" Asuka asked and kneeled down next to Shinji to begin pulling weeds from the watermelon patch.

"Asuka, I told you to stay inside and rest." Shinji said with exasperation.

"I've been 'inside' and 'resting' for three days now and I'm about to go nuts." She said and continued to help pull weeds. Shinji shook his head.

"How's your chest and stomach pains?"

"They're gone."

"Let me see." He said and stood up pulling Asuka up with him.

"Hey! Don't touch me there you pervert." She protested and raised her arms defensively.

"Arms down." He said and pulled them down and pushed gently against certain areas of her chest getting a wince each time. When he finally pushed against her stomach she cried out. "See."

"Of course it's going to hurt if you're jabbing at me." She protested.

"Asuka, please go back and rest. It's bad enough we have to treat ourselves." Shinji pleaded.

"No. Goddamnit, it's not that bad. I'm okay Shinji, it's not as bad as yesterday." Shinji sighed and let his shoulders fall in defeat.

"I thought so." She said with a victorious smile. "These watermelons look good. I can't wait." She clapped Shinji on the back, sparking a short coughing fit. When he got it under control, he tasted iron and he felt something begin to run from the corner of his mouth to his chin. He wiped it off on his sleeve and saw that it left a red streak on it. Then he saw something on the hand that he used to cover his mouth. It was blood.

*******

Shinji gazed at the stars. It was another cloudless night and he held a cup of coffee as he sat on the porch, enjoying the warm night breeze.

"Can I have a sip?" Asuka asked as she gently lowered herself into a sitting position. Shinji nearly gave himself whiplash as he turned to see Asuka raise the cup to her lips and take a sip. "How can you drink this black?"

"You're supposed to be in bed!" Shinji said feeling his anger rising. "And how did you get down the stairs?"

"Walked. And not so loud." She said calmly as she took another sip.

"You couldn't even make it down the stairs this morning to have breakfast. You could've hurt yourself." Shinji's tone had gone from angry to pleading as he stood up. "Come on, let's get you back to bed."

"I told you I'm getting better." She said, refusing to move.

"And until you're better, you need to rest. Asuka please."

"Fine." She said and sighed. "But only because you asked nicely." She put the coffee cup on the porch and started to slowly stand. "Just wanted to keep you company." She finished as she stood up, but her vision became blurred and she felt herself falling. Before she could hit the floor though, she found Shinji holding her from behind. "I hate this…I feel so fucking weak."

"This is why you need rest. Now's not the time to act strong, you have to recover." Before Asuka could protest Shinji was carrying her in his arms. Asuka laughed and held on by putting her arms around his neck.

"Carrying bags on your own and field work had done wonders hasn't it?" She said playfully as they ascended the stairs. Once in her bedroom he placed her on the bed and stood up.

"Goodnight." He said with a smile. "I'm going to bed too."

"I can't sleep. And I was lonely up here, that's why I went downstairs." Shinji sighed and smiled. "I wanted to do something, you know, talk maybe."

"I kept that journal by the way." Shinji said. "Let me get it." He quickly left and got the journal from his room. "I forgot about it until recently, and I began to read through it. It's mostly a progress journal, there's nothing too personal from the writer, but…" He began and opened it. "This is interesting." And he began to read.

"_We reached a large farm house today, and inside we found what could be the remains of another camp. Everything seemed fresh, and it seemed once again that we were just a bit too late to catch them. After waiting a couple days for them, Naosuke came to the conclusion that this campsite that we supposedly found was abandoned, and that we should get back to searching the countryside for them. I once again left a little note in case they ever returned in this direction. Hopefully we'll find them somewhere in the hills."_

Shinji stopped at the end of the short entry to find Asuka rubbing at her temples.

"Damn it, always a day late."

"At least they know we're out here." Shinji said with a shrug. He closed the book and leaned against the wall as Asuka lay down.

"It's interesting though." She continued. "By the way he writes, it's almost as if they're actively searching for us. Not just survivors."

"Why would they do that?"

"I don't know you idiot." Asuka said and yawned. "But if that means that they won't stop until they find us, I feel much better." Shinji nodded to himself. "All of a sudden, I'm tired." Asuka said groggily.

"Good, now sleep." Shinji said and chuckled.

"Goodnight." Shinji sat in the dark room until he heard the Asuka snoring softly. Then he stood up and went to his room. An unknown amount of time passed as he tried to sleep, but active thoughts kept him from sleeping. Eventually he sighed and sat up, bracing his back against the wall. He felt a familiar itch begin from inside his chest and rise up to his throat. He winced in as his chest area was afflicted with a pain similar to that of being pricked by hundreds of needles. When his coughing subsided, he wiped his mouth off on the sleeve of his shirt, and wiped his hand on the sheets of his bed. He had kept his coughing up of blood a secret from Asuka, as well as the fact that on some occasions, he found it difficult to breathe. He didn't want to burden her with any worries that might impede her recovery.

As his mind drifted to Asuka, he felt his heart sink to the deep, dark, unknown depths of dread and sadness. The more his mind lingered, the deeper it seemed to sink. There seemed to be no boundaries, and his eyes filled with tears.

*******

"I brought you some dinner." Shinji said and sat down next to Asuka's bed. He looked upon her face and saw what he had seen for the past few days. Her complexion was now pale and she could no longer get up from bed.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." She said and pushed the away the sandwich that he had made for her.

"You didn't have breakfast or lunch Asuka. You need to eat." He said as if to a sick child.

"I can't help it if I'm not hungry, okay?" Asuka bit back, flashing a look of irritation before guilt flooded her face. "Sorry."

"Don't be, you're starting to sound like me." He said with a smile.

"Yeah right." She said and laughed.

"I found a ripe watermelon in the field today. I brought it in and I'll cut it up after dinner." Asuka smiled brightly at this.

"Wunderbar." She replied.

"But you have to eat your dinner first."

"Ah crap." She said and pulled a face. "Don't treat me like a kid Shinji, please." Shinji frowned but remained silent. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence passed, Asuka picked up the sandwich and began to eat. He smiled smugly and Asuka stuck her tongue out at him between bites.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to bring you some extra blankets since it looks like there's going to be a storm." Asuka nodded and continued to eat. With the blankets, Shinji brought the journal, and he found that Asuka had finished the sandwich and was lying back on her bed with her eyes closed.

"Asuka?" Shinji asked softly.

"I'm still awake. Just resting my eyes." She said and opened them. 

"Eye." He returned.

"I finished my sandwich daddy. Can I have dessert?" She asked in a mock childish voice. Shinji laughed and draped the extra blankets over her.

"I found another interesting entry in here while reading through it last night. I thought you might want to hear it." He took his usual spot next to her bed and opened the journal.

"Can't be that interesting if it's a progress journal."

"Bear with me." He said and began to read.

__

"Our search of the hills has proven fruitless. After four days of travel, we haven't found a single trace of the children." Asuka's eyes went wide. _"Naosuke is becoming impatient, but it seems that we might have a lead after all. Katagari came back from reconnaissance today to say that he has found a small town that wasn't far from the farmhouse. There is a good chance that they might have taken up residence somewhere there. Myself, I have a good feeling about this, and recently I have been musing. I wonder if they know what they have done. I wonder if they know that the world is waiting for them. I wonder if they know they are heroes. At first, I thought this country was doomed, and in fact was angry with them, thinking it to be their fault that my country was near destroyed. But I later found out that in the circumstances, the amount of damage could have been much greater. Since we have begun our search, we have witnessed the growing of grass. It seems that there exists hope that life may be returning to this barren land. With each passing day I feel more indebted to the children and what they have done for us. This only serves to spurn me forward in my search. Sometimes a dark thought will plague my mind and I think that maybe we are not on the trail of the children, but in fact just some survivors of ground zero. I don't like to think about it, but the possibility is very real. If it is so that the children in fact died, I can only hope that it was peacefully, with the knowledge that they had done a fine job."_ Shinji closed the book and saw a wistful smile on Asuka's face.

"I will be remembered…" She whispered and closed her eyes. "Thank you Shinji." She said through a yawn, then shivered. "I'm going to take a short nap. Wake me up for the watermelon, okay?"

"Okay." Shinji said with a smile.

"And could you bring me some more blankets. I'm kind of cold." Shinji did.

Shinji never cut the watermelon, and instead stood outside as it began to storm. Tears ran down his cheeks. The only comforting thought for his grief was that he knew Asuka would never be cold again.

*******

Shinji returned from the fields short of breath. Before he entered the house, he picked a rose that had been planted by Asuka. He had a small dinner and sat on the porch, drinking a cup of coffee. He stared up at the sky with a wistful smile on his face. He didn't even notice the crimson trail that began to trickle from the corner of his mouth and down his chin. He remained that way until long after dark. When the moon was high in the sky, he went back inside and turned on a lantern. He got the rose that he had picked and carried it upstairs to Asuka's room. He stood looking upon her for a long time before placing the rose upon her chest and folding her hands over it. Then he lay down next to her and looked upon her soft features. He reached down into his shirt and pulled out Misato's cross. Holding the cross tightly in his left hand, he reached out placed his right hand on Asuka's hands. He smiled softly and found that he could not tear his gaze from her face. 

His thoughts drifted momentarily to memories of before Third Impact. As he sorted through them, he realized that during a brief period, he had been happy. Despite the idiosyncrasies of Misato, Asuka, Touji and the rest, he had been happy. They had been his first friends, and his only family.

Then his thoughts slowly drifted to the journal entries of late. The writer had called them heroes, but he didn't know anything about that. He definitely didn't feel like a hero, but then again, what is a hero? In the entry, it had been expressed that with each passing day, hope grew for the future. From Third Impact, new life seemed to be springing up. He and Asuka had witnessed the first new blades of grass growing, he had tended a watermelon patch, and had even heard the sound of cicadas. He didn't know what was to come of the future and probably would never know, but whatever was to come, he felt pretty good about it.

Light slowly began to trickle into the room, and the last thing that he heard before he closed his eyes, was a bird singing.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

**__**

Before the beginning of years  
There came to the making of man  
Time, with a gift of tears;   
Grief, with a glass that ran;   
Pleasure, with pain for leaven;   
Summer, with flowers that fell;   
Remembrance, fallen from heaven,   
And madness risen from hell;   
Strength without hands to smite;   
Love that endures for a breath;   
Night, the shadow of light,   
And Life, the shadow of death.  
- - - -Algernon Charles Swinburne "Atalanta in Calydon" (1865)

End

Author's Notes: This was my first fan fiction, and I appreciate all criticism. I acknowledge myself as a mediocre writer at best, so ding me on anything you can, especially characterization, plot, structure and dialogue. If you think that the story was wonderful, that's great. If you think that my hands should be mashed with a meat tenderizer so that I may never pick up a pen again, so be it. And if there are any organized groups of critics and writers (in which I am almost sure that there is, since in any form of literature they exist), I would be honored if you took the time to critique this. And I apologize for the gross formatting errors.


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